Marvel Comics Presents: The Phoenix S.U.N.S.!!!!

On a recent visit to the Marvel HQ, our agents have been able to uncover a brand new comic on it's way! all of the heroes and villains in it seemed somewhat familiar, and yet, at the same time, they felt like they were strangers. Still, allow me to present our findings to you: the new comic, titled:

The Phoenix Force Series, part -1:

Superheroes' Ultimate Non-plus-ultra Squad (abbreviated: S.U.N.S.)

(note: you probably need to know the Marvel Comic Universe at least somewhat well to find the post funny, or even worth reading)

Members of the team:

Col. Steve Kerry:

This old-time hero was born withour superpowers, but always had special things to give while active, and that made him an important part of two dominant earlier superhero squads, where his long-range sniper skills were extremely useful, in fact, he once saved the world against a group of Mormon supervillains. He is now wearing an eye-patch as a result of battles of old. There was some confusion when he took over the operation which was well underway for a few years, even suspicion of treachery, and many people cited that he used to be part of a superhero-team-turned-evil. However, in the last 21 issues, most of these suspicions have been cnfirmed to be false. His greatest fault was probably trying to incorporate the half-Irish, half Afro-American superhero, the Big Cactus into the team which then showed lack of cooperation and felt their integrity was seriously compromised. Since then, this mistake has been revoked, and the Big Cactus is now wondering some distant universe.

if you are interested in the REAL superheroes on the team, read on!

He is no longer able to fight on the battlefield, but is an excellent tactician and a great motivator. He also had extensive training seving under Dr S'Trange, Moustacher Supreme, and for a while, back in his youth, even served the same evil organisation as Colonel Kerry, under the tutelage of the evil Gregg Doomovich. His powers allow him to control other team's minds, and force into fighting in a much faster way than they usually prefer.

Passwerine (real name: Steve Nash):

A very gifted mutant, he acts as the team's field leader. He has multiple powers, such as slowed aging process, which helps him conserve his powers, enhanced, superhuman senses, which allow him to see out of his back, and pass to the ball from Toronto to Phoenix and shoot threes while fighting crocodiles. He has been taken into the Squad as a young, fledgling superhero, but after receiving mixed reviews on the first danger room courses, he left the Squad, and joined the team of supervillains gathering around the drunkard mad scientist known as Dr Ginister, whose alias has been revealed to be Don Nelson. There he met the superpowered human, Herr Zreepointer, and the two maintained a friendship ever since, despite the villains breaking up. (by the way, Herr Zreepointer re-formed the team with the help of an evil midget from Hell, and almost conquered the world, before they were stopped by the extra-terrestrial being, The Flash and a few humans. who were mysteriously called 'The Referees'.) Since coming back, he has been the leader of the Squad

Supreme Trashing Armored Tank [STAT] (real name: Amar'e Stoudamire):

This, supremely talented mutant, is a hothead killing machine. His sole aim is to destroy all supervillains, however he usually only thinks of the obvious way: shooting. He is not the best choice for bodyguard, as he often simply forgets to defend the person he is supposed to. However, despite his weaknesses, when he is turned on, he can SMASH like only an overgrown, green superhero from another comic can.

Sun of a Gun [Also known as Dunkman] (real name: Jason Richardson):

His mutant abilities first surfaced in kindergarten, when he jumped onto a pole which was 539 feet away from him. He has similar mentality to Supreme Trashing Armored Tank and the two also possess similar powers, although Sun of a Gun is also a superb long-range archer. He has been known to hit enemies with multiple arrows right after each other, often shooting 3 arrows at a time, and usually at least 2.

Twit Man (real name: Jared Dudley):

Dudley was born without any superpowers, or mutant abilities. However, he admired MacGyver as a kid, and at the age of 6, construected a steal-and-layup combination from two lego bricks, a bar of soap and his 6th finger which he had to cut off to do it. Since then, he has come up with an abundance of useful items, and since moving to the Squad, invented hiw special armor, which is covered in glue, and allows him to simply stick to his opponent. He can also, as a result of genetic experiments made by the Squad, extend his arms to 34 feet long and steal the weapons of the enemies.

Mr Fryetastic (real name: Channing Frye):

As a result of gamma ray exposition, Frye posseses extra long arms and legs, yet, for some strange reason, his body did not grow sideways, so now he looks like a pole with arms and legs. However, since he was 4' 4" tall before it, he maintained his quickness and, like most of the team, has killer ability from long range.

Blur (real name: Leandro Barbosa):

This mutant from Brazil has been gifted with supernatural speed. He usually runs circles around supervillains before they could react. Many people saw him as a possible second-in-command to Nashverine, but, as it turned out, when he is using his superpowers, he can't see other members of the Squad correctly, which makes him unable to direct them well enough. He is still a very good weapon. Right now, he is recovering from a bad injury, suffered a few fights ago against a team of Werewolves.

Furry Fury (real name: Robin Lopez):

He is a long-time descendant of Samson of the Bible, and much like him, has his powers in his hair and beard. A young superhero only learning the ropes of the profession, the Squad hopes he can become a man to battle the likes of Hulkoward and Bynumaut. He has shown flashes of being able to do it, but often becomes a reliabilty against seasoned villains.

Well, these were the characters that we managed to see in the midst of the night. If you are interested in reading more about them, or want to get to know the other heroes and villains in the upcoming comic, leave your opinion in the comments!

one more thing: we also found out, that, while at first sight, the Squad's weakness seem to be villains dressed in purple and gold, we can assure you that in the final fight, the good guys win.