In a move slid through the draft hype without much fan-fare, the Phoenix Suns may have already made their most important long term decision. The
San Diego Phoenix Suns training camp has been moved from the University of Arizona's "House that New Hated San Antonio Spur Richard Jefferson" built, to the Slim Gym that Suns minority owner Jenny Craig built.
In this unbiased exclusive, we tell you why some fans are upset and why they are totally stupid.
Why Conspiracy Theorists are Upset
We here at the Bright Side of the Sun clearly do not espouse these radical conspiracy theories, but in interest of 720 degree reporting, we recount their inane, paranoid arguments.
Anxious Suns fans might be worried that the Phoenix Suns might fall victim to Stern supported team poaching, just like Basketballless Seattle. Whereas Seattle is clearly the better destination when compared with Oklahoma City, Phoenix does not necessarily enjoy that luxury when compared to rival San Diego, say some unemployed and economically inert bloggers. These warcraft-crazed losers also fantasize about NBA2009 becoming a massively-mulitplayer online role playing game with dragons and wizards competing with superpowered NBA players for magic crystals and energon cubes.
Anyway, these assorted crackpots tell us that the strong ownership ties to San Diego, the local attractions, population, mild climate and the declining financial conditions of the team are all favoring a permanent move to the City of San Diego. Here's a rundown:
- Ownership ties - Obviously, if Steve Kerr is to be the GM going forward, he would be a more effective GM if he were in the same city as the team. It would be easier to move the team because, clearly, Steve Kerr isn't moving. Despite Robert Sarver's strong ties to the state, he did spend his years before taking over the Suns in San Diego. Sarver is no stranger to the joys of San Diego life. Then, there's another Phoenix resident and minority owner, Jenny Craig, who is the one with the state-of-the-late-night-infomercial gym in San Diego. It would not be hard to say the ownership group considers San Diego their second home... or first home.
Local Attractions - San Diego has a beach. It also has Sea World. And a beach. And a giant wild animal park. And a beach.
- Larger Market - Phoenix technically has a more populous metropolitan area (4.2 vs 3 million residents), but San Diego handily incorporates an extra 5 million Tijuanans in its community, making San Diego easily the bigger market, bigger than all Arizona in fact. And we know the NBA has been marketing Los Sols to the growing and vibrant hispanic community.
- Mild Climate - San Diego is one of the few places in America where the winter is better than in Phoenix. It's easily better in summer too.
- Declining financial conditions - The lack of team profitability adds a strong sense of urgency to do something to stop the bleeding. Besides the larger San Diego market, a new arena would just cinch things. US Airways Center is now 17 years old, and several generations behind in maximizing high dollar revenue seating and features. Private courtside hot-tubs and playboy bunny servers only make sense in a state-of-the-art basketball facility.
Why They are Totally Stupid
All of the above considerations are totally stupid because they rely on wildly speculative fanblog wankery and because those fans are dorks who can't get girlfriends. They also only consider the issues relative to management, but fail to consider the fans in either Phoenix or San Diego (ok, neither does David Stern but so what?).
We didn't have the time to actually bother polling San Diego residents about the possibility of an NBA franchise relocating, so we carefully simulated a poll using our vast innner resources. Here is what our respondents said (see poll)