Phoenix Suns: I want my scalps!



As we dawn on this new playoff day, there are many reasons why the Phoenix Suns stand to lose tonight's game. 

There's home court and the Rose Garden of Rabid Fans.  There's the conspiracy that everyone in the NBA stands to make more revenue if the series pushes to seven commercial-packed games.  Then there's the fury of the little Blazer Bunny backed into a corner and comes out fighting like a desperate dog.  Perhaps Pritchard and McMillan cooked up some surprises to ambush the Suns.  Then again, perhaps it will fall on the Suns, who comes out fat and flat?

Besides, should we begrudge a game 7?  It'd be an exciting bonus game in the series that the Suns, with the help of the refs, should surely win.  The Suns are currently sitting at a 60% winning percentage in these playoffs.  That's almost as good as their 66% winning percentage for the season, and they are facing stiffer competition.

I am not thinking about any of these things today. 

Fans don't matter.  If you make your shots, the refs don't matter.  If you are aggressive, again the refs don't matter.  As the multiple 4-1 series on the East Coast shows, there is no 7-game revenue conspiracy.  Win in 6 is possible. Win in 6 is before us.

I will admit, however, that there is in fact a little Blazer bunny backed into a corner.  We need to kill the bunny.  Vince Vaughn has a message for the Phoenix Suns:


The message?  Killer Instinct.  The Suns are so money.   The Suns have all these weapons.  They've laughingly blown out the Blazers three times in five games.  All these weapons and thinking to themselves, all these weapons, how do I kill the bunny?  Let's see the Rated R Suns today. Win 1 and you win the series. 

Win 1 and you win the series!

To crudely switch motifs, the genius of Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards lies in its determination to win the war early with ruthlessness. They ain't in the prisoner takin bidness.  They in the killin bidness and cousin, bidness is a'boomin'!

What would you give to end the war today??  The Inglorious Bastards ended the war early, I hope the Inglorious Suns can do the same.

Take no prisoners, I want my scalps!

We will be cruel to the Blazers, and through our cruelty, they will know who we are. They will find the evidence of our cruelty, in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their players we leave behind us. And the Blazers Fans will not be able to help themselves from imagining the cruelty their players endured at our fouls, and our elbows, and the edge of our screens.

And the Blazers will be sickened by us.

And the Blazers will talk about us.

And the Blazers will fear us.

And when the Blazer fans close their eyes at night, and their sub conscious tortures them for the evil they've done, it will be with thoughts of us, that it tortures them with.

What else we gonna do, go home?

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Bright Side Of The Sun

You must be a member of Bright Side Of The Sun to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bright Side Of The Sun. You should read them.

Join Bright Side Of The Sun

You must be a member of Bright Side Of The Sun to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bright Side Of The Sun. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.