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Breaking News: Suns sign Suns Gorilla to GM, get dunked on

 

                One of the most effective, energetic and popular mascots in basketball, the Gorilla will now bring his energy and enthusiasm to the Suns front office.

                The high-flying hall of fame primate was officially named the Suns' new general manager and president of basketball operations Wednesday, nearly 30 years after making his first appearance on the court.

                Managing Partner Robert Sarver announced the hiring in a surprise Wednesday morning press conference to a mix of fanfare and confusion.

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"..........," said the Suns Gorilla while making wild, extravagant gestures. ".........."

 "Go and I have a deep understanding and shared vision for the future of this franchise," said Sarver.

"He wants to continue our tradition of playing exciting, free flowing basketball. The Gorilla thinks outside the box, and has many intriguing plans to keep the fans happy. We have already begun installing trampolines at the top of the key and large flaming hoops in the paint. Go is excited to get to work with our staff and we look forward to making this best year yet."

                 Head Coach Alvin Gentry praised Sarver for the questionable move. "Robert made a strong choice. Go has been with us a long time and has the talent and passion required to make a the final push that gets us over the hump. Morale and chemistry are at an all time high. The team cheers every time Go steals the ball and dunks it during our practice games."

                 The Gorilla was animated during the press conference, striking several manly poses in response to the reporters pointed questions.

                 "..........," said the Gorilla as he skillfully spun a basketball on his fingers and flexed. ".........."

                 Terms of the contract were not disclosed, but a source with knowledge of the deal reports that it is three years with an option for a fourth and in lieu of cash Go will be paid in equivalent pallets of bananas and t-shirt launchers. Merit bonuses are also rumored, depending on the degree to which the Gorilla "raises the roof."

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(all credit goes to the BSotS fan who recently made this outstanding suggestion)

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