I'm not going to lie: I am not all that excited about what I am about to write.
The Suns are still looking for a back-up big (so I've been told), so I suppose I owe it to you to go through these names and have a chat about it.
But seriously, when you see the names I am about to list, you will see why there's so little to be excited about.
Here's what's out there (in no particular order):
Shameless Plug for a couple of really good reads:
In Arizona, We Root For Balance Sheets - SB Nation Arizona - by Dennis Tarwood (aka Tuffy)
Arizona sports fans cheer for solvency, debt service, tax avoidance, and lockouts. Just like when we were kids!
A Letter To The D-backs Front Office - Desert Dirt - SB Nation Arizona by Justin Burning
Dear D-backs Front Office Guys, I liked watching Dan Haren pitch and now you've taken that from me, you jerks. And now you want to trade Edwin Jackson, whose no-hitter was about the only positive thing of note this season.
Yo Stat Geeks, Put Down The Calculator And Talk To People - Desert Dirt - SB Nation Arizona by Seth
I'm not against the advanced stats movement in sports. Win Shares. WAR. All that stuff has value and is what you get when you bring smart people and their slide rules to the sporting world.
Mark Blount. 7-0. 34 years old
Mark didn't play at all last season and only saw the court in 20 games the season before. There was a time when Blount was a pretty decent player. Take, for example, his best season (06-07), when he put up 12 points and six rebounds in 31 minutes as a starter for that memorable Minnesota Timberwolves team that won 32 games. On the other hand, he's big and he's made $44 million over his career, so he must be worth something to someone (family not included).
Didier Ilunga-Mbenga. 7-0. 29 years old.
You certainly remember DJ from the 12 (total) minutes he played as part of the LA Lakers 2009-10 championship run. One thing you can't take away from Didier, he's a two-time NBA champion and you are not. And he's big, too.
Oleksiy Pecherov. 7-0. 24 years old.
Oleksiy is probably most known by fans for his resemblance to the Family Guy cartoon character, Stewie. See for yourself. He is kind of skilled, too, and has decent range for a big man and allegedly rebounds the ball well. He also looks like a cartoon character according to the Washington Post, which none of the other guys can say.
Unfortunately for Pecherov's fan(s), he is rumored to be close to returning to Europe where his brand of 7 footer is coveted and not mocked mercilessly.
Rasho Nesterovic. 7-0. 34 years old.
Rasho (aka Radoslav to his mother) is another former NBA champion. He's not known for his shooting touch, or rebounding or defense, but he is known for being Slovenian, which has obvious advantages to the Phoenix Suns, who are well on their way to becoming the Former Yugoslavian Suns. He's also big.
Josh Boone. 6-10. 25 years old.
What does Josh Boone bring, aside from his experience playing 16 minutes per game for one of the worst teams in NBA history, the 2009-10 New Jersey Nets? Cool hair, and Suns fans know how valuable that is. He is more athletic than the other guys, but he's also shorter. That's all I can think to say about Boone.
Kwame Brown. 6-11. 27 years old.
He might have hands of stone, but he is a former number one overall draft pick and he's big.
Shaquille O'Neal. 7-1. 56 years old.
Just kidding. Shaq isn't coming back to Phoenix.
There's not many better options out there. In fact, I am not sure there's any other options out there for a back-up center. Not unless the Suns were willing to give up some assets to try and get a guy like DeAndre Jordan from the Clippers, Nazr Mohammed from the Bobcats, or Hilton Armstrong from the Wizards.
The reality is, there aren't a lot of good options out there even if the Suns were willing to trade Jared Dudley, whose rookie contract and Twitter fame make him a prized asset. If you told me that Suns could trade Dudley for Marcin Gortat, I would say, "Yes, please".
But what else is there on the back-up center market? Not much is the answer. Not much.
Note: Anyone who suggests Eddy Curry will be immediately banned for life.