Vince Carter Game Log 1/27 vs. CHA

Vince Carter had a birthday in this game, and overall you could say it was a pretty good game for Carter, although I'm actually going to post 150 reasons why it wasn't. He still showed his trademark disinterest in getting within 12 feet of the basket. Honestly, I think he might have some kind of rare allergy and we should stop being so mean to him. Constructing some kind of bubble for Vince might allow him to hit more threes, which is Carter's main reason for being out there anyway.

So here it is:

1st quarter

Energy before tipoff seems good. Not tired yet.

Carter mostly a spectator so far, getting paid to watch from the best seat in the house.

Misses open three, but gets offensive rebound (good).

Fouled, missed first free throw because of good defense.

Defends Stephen Jackson with a sad face. Looks disinterested.

Misses a long two but avoids injury.

Carter lost in No Man's Land thinking about The Wiggles.

Vince bricks another three, but gets his own miss again to show that he cares about possession.

Finally makes a three 10 minutes into the quarter. Good wrist movement, but my analysis shows he needs to smile less.

Carter forgets that he's an NBA player and lets Jackson get a clean alley-oop.

Heads to bench when Dragic comes in.

(Carter's body language on the court is usually that of a petulant child, which would remind some people of KG. He’s often stuck with no player within 7 feet of him, watching a play finish, flat-footed, without readying himself for a board or help or a closeout. Probably the fault of everyone on this team who has created a half-hearted culture on D, as well as all those mean fans who say bad things about Carter, who can't shoot well when he has tears in his eyes.)


2nd quarter

Sits on bench for first six minutes. Might've been in the Gorilla costume for part of it.

Carter looks like he wants something from the concession stands.

Still sitting. Why doesn't he hustle more on the bench?

No Man's Land on the bench. Carter probably daydreaming about Justin Bieber again.

Dudley is playing a killer game right now. He's using his athletic hands on defense and utilizing a devastating upfake to take 20 seconds to drive to the rim. Why can't Carter have more athletic hands? It’s a question of effort and commitment more than anything.

Carter checks back in after being told he's special and different from all the other boys.

Immediately fouls Gerald Wallace on a shot. Take that, fans who say he shies away from contact.

Hits a 3. Good rhythm.

Hits another 3. He's starting to make up his mind what he wants to do.

Missed a jumper, but the A/C was probably blowing.

Hits another 3. Good position there -- he kept his feet behind the line.

Super late, nonexistent rotation allows a layup. If only players could get open for a 3 on defense.


3rd quarter

Starts with an open jumper that he somehow makes.

Bad rotation on defense leaves Jackson wide open for three.

Carter having a glazed-eyes contest with Boris Diaw. Carter's winning, but Diaw might respond by eating his eyes.

Missed a jumper when he got too close to the dreaded Contact Zone.

Watches sadly as Jackson drives around him for an and-1.

Consecutive fouls because of poor defense send him to the bench. Vince starts to show a bit of emotion, but the program quickly takes control and that wayward tear stays inside his head.

Sits on bench for rest of third. The bench should feel honored.


4th quarter

Carter back on the floor.

Missed a jumper.

Missed a jumper.

Missed a three.

Beginning to wonder if we're in the Twilight Zone.

If we're in the Twilight Zone, we should get that narrator guy to do our PA work. He's awesome, unlike Carter.

Carter stands and watches from 20 feet away while Kwame Brown revitalizes his career.

Three minutes of no scoring for either team forces Nash to come back in. Good thing the offense was running through Vince.

Nash gets Carter another wide open look that he hits.

Carter hits a spinning, twisting, contested 20-foot fadeaway. Good shot selection.

(timeout)

Good hustle back to the bench.

Allows Jackson to blow by him for easy layup. Even Channing Frye is unimpressed.

Chased off the three-point line, Carter drives to the basket but gets too close to a defender player who might give him an owie, so he shoots the worst Tony Parker teardrop in NBA history. Misses.

Carter hits Gortat in the face with a pass. Why didn't Gortat's face catch that pass -- it's unfair to Vince.

Telling stat: Carter has no motorcycle vroom vrooms after a dunk because he can't reach the rim from the three-point line.

Game over. Busy writing this so I didn't see if Carter smiled and joked after the loss.