Kardashians, Box Cutters & Steve Nash on Horse Tranquilizers

1. You don’t have to read this.

2. You don’t have to read this.

3. If you decide to read it and then feel offended that it has less to do with Suns basketball and more to do with the ridiculous world around NBA basketball in general, please remember – you didn’t have to read this, so please spare me the comments reminding me that this is a Suns basketball site and blah, blah, blah…

Proceed to jump?

The season is upon us! Holidays, debt bombs and the return of the NBA. As much as I love reading about trades, contracts, predictions, statistics, etc., I am not called the Basketball Girlfriend for nothing. I also love to read and watch anything having to do with the wacky world around our beloved players. Here’s what you’ve been missing if you’ve decided to be a sensible human being and skip celebrity news and reality TV for the sake of your brain cells:

· Khloe (Easter Island Head) Kardashian is “sad” about Lamar Odom heading to Dallas. Oh my gaaawd - can you believe a Kardashian is upset about something?! I bet Dallas is a little upset, too. Along with a (mostly) solid frontcourt player, along comes another celebrity train wreck. Traded by the Lakers for the Mavericks’ 1st-round pick, Odom was “disturbed” that he was part of the voided Chris Paul trade and, to pout it out, he chose not to practice the first two days of training camp. Hmm. I suspect he’ll get over it, especially when reality TV show ratings pick up again. Dallas is no stranger to the Kardashian klan. Kim dated what’s his name on the Dallas Cowboys team for a while, and Kourtney was a student for a few years at Southern Methodist University. If I were Khloe, I’d be a little scared. A lot of Texans carry guns and know what she looks like. One last note: The Mavericks’ head coach Rick Carlisle “joked” to The Dallas Morning News yesterday that he wouldn't rule out appearing on his new power forward's reality show if asked. Wonder if Vince Carter will join in? …might be the biggest move of his entire career.

· The Basketball Wives are working through production of their fourth (and hopefully final) season for the “hit” VH1 reality show about NBA players’ wives and exes. Dramadramadrama! Kenya Bell is joining the cast. Remember her husband, Charlie Bell? Did you know Bell stars in a series of webisodes titled "Hey Charlie, Do My Job!" in which he takes up a fan’s occupation (like working at Wendy's and being an interior decorator) for a day? Okay sure, but what about his wife? She was arrested for allegedly trying to stab Bell with a box cutter. Those women and their crazy baller (mostly ex) husbands….

· Kobe Bryant’s new Christmas shoes require protective eye wear. He’ll be busting them out during the Christmas Day game against (my second favorite team) Chicago at the Staples Center, where there’s already an abundance of people wearing bright and slightly terrifying clothes. You’ve all seen the Lakers Grannies. Freaking gold sequins and purple eye shadow. Kobe’s shoes are a marvel, though. Click on that link to see for yourself, but beware!

· To mix it up with a little scene breakdown from The Office (Mrs. California episode from 12/08/11):

Dwight: Is that the same philosophy you apply to buffalo wings? I want you to bring that same buffalo wing passion to this gym! I'm gonna make you look like Lebron James!

Darryl: It's Lejon Brames.

Dwight: That's what I said.

Darryl: You know, get it right.

Dwight: I know.

· Allen Iverson’s estranged wife can’t pay rent. Oh Noes! Tawanna Iverson filed for divorce in June, and was promptly cut off. It’s no secret Iverson has been linked to a troubled past including problems with drinking and gambling, but it has also been reported that the man is flat broke and heavily in debt, "by all accounts except his own". Boo hoo.

· I refuse to write any more than this one sentence on the subject of talentless Kris Humphries.

· Devin Ebanks has been cleared in the alleged sexual assault of an unidentified woman. The reported incident investigated by the Los Angeles Police Department's Robbery-Homicide Division allegedly took place on September 13, 2011 after the two ran into each other at a nightclub. “You can find me in da club, bottle full of bub…I’m into having sex, I ain’t into makin’ love…” – sorry, too soon?

· Oh dear…Steve Nash played ball with Justin Bieber? Apparently so. This is a funny recap regarding the nonsense: Steve Nash on some sort of horse tranquilizer playing super intense defense.

And that’s about all I have on this topic today. What else is going on? Hmm?

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