Now that the end of this season is in sight, I'm beginning to get very anxious about the impending lockout. What am I going to do without Suns basketball? I'm sure as hell not going to use that time to enrich myself (I'm already chock full of vitamins and minerals) or do something productive (productive people built the guns the Nazis used, and I don't want to associate myself with Nazism).
As I see it, here are my options . . .
1) Get into college basketball
I already tried to do this a couple of months ago, and I couldn't bear to watch more than a few minutes. As far as I'm concerned, college b-ball:NBA::Michelob Ultra:Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA (apologies to any analogy-hating teetotallers out there).
2) Get into European basketball
No. You know who was European? Hitler.
3) Play basketball myself
Not sure about this one. I was a baller back in elementary school, but now I can't get a basket against my 5' 6" girlfriend even if I post her up Barkley style (before you question my manhood, I'll inform you that I DOMINATE her on the defensive end).
4) Teach my cats basketball and watch them go one-on-one
How do you teach a quadruped to dribble? Can anybody who's seen Air Bud explain that to me?
5) Relive the '92-'93 season
I don't know if I could put the wardrobe together for this option. Does anybody have those inflatable Reeboks in a size 13? If so, I'll trade you an awesome Barkley memo pad for a pair.
6) Furious rosterbation
I'm sure a bunch of you perverts will pass the time doing that here. I think it would just remind me of the lockout and cause me to sink into a deep depression.
7) Watch the NFL
No. I hate footballs because they aren't spherical. If you watch a pointy ball too much, you'll start wearing pointy hats and pointy shoes. Pointy things are stupid.
8) Watch the NHL
No. Hockey is only fun when I'm drunk, and I don't want to develop some sort of problem.
I can't really think of any other options, so please suggest some. What will you do? What did you do during the last lockout?