The REAL Reason Goran Was Traded
From the 4th sub-basement deep under the Alamo:
"Everything is going according to plan?"
"We have learned much from those accursed Phoenix Suns, after they obliterated us in the playoffs last year. The Nash protocol is in effect: our plan to limit the minutes of our aging superstar is working perfectly!We are able to keep Timmay on the bench for lengthy periods without losing games, or even leads! After stealing Gentry's blueprints for building a solid, high energy bench, we have been able to rest the starters more and more. Filching the schematics for their high-octane offense has given us the floor-spacing and three-point system that has overhauled our ancient and decrepit offense and has us outscoring teams."
"Excellent! Ever since our propaganda plan of belittling Stoudemir'e, hypnotizing him into believeing he would be 'the Man' in New York City--"
"We have decimated our bitter enemies! Your ploy to have them hire that Turk--"
"Ya! That was a good one!"
"And now you have their offense dragging around the corpse of Vinsanity--"
"Ya! Hilarious!" Wipes tears from his eyes.
"Now that we are poised atop the Western Conf, and Phoenix is nowhere near the playoffs--"
"Um.Actually, they are starting to click together, despite the sabotage that we've inflicted, and they could sneak into the 8th seed."
"WHAT!?! And face us in the first round?!? What if they unleash that Dragon person on us again? Remember when he came out flame-throwing, singed off Ginobili's hair, and burnt our hopes to the ground?" Shudders. "He must NOT be on that team! Get him here! No, wait. Just get him into the state of Texas so we can keep an eye on him. On Houston, so he'll be out of the playoffs. GO! Put on your Blobby disguise and get him off Phoenix!! NOW! Our doom is upon us! The trade deadline is here! They must Not Have The DRAGON!"