A Meetup Way Better Than Keith The Journo's

Although it requires a little sacrifice on your part. Details after the jump.

Ok, here's what I propose. Hear me out. 

This meetup will occur on June 21st, which is not only the first day of summer, but the birthday of one Tom Chambers, member of the Phoenix Suns Ring of Honor. This is a little known fact, but every year on Tom Chambers' birthday, there is a magical comet that blazes briefly across the night sky, with a magnificent trail of purple and orange. When this purple and orange comet appears, any humans with that have followed the Suns for three years or more, that happen to leave their earthly body at precisely that time, will become part of the purple and orange comet.

What is the purple and orange comet's destination? A little corner of the universe called Planet Orange. This isn't just some marketing gimmick; the real Planet Orange exists and can be visited by any Suns fan that is willing to sacrifice their Earthly body and inhabit the purple and orange comet. 

I propose that we meet in Hawai'i, have a super awesome luau on the beach, and then consume the Poison Punch Capri-Sun moments before the purple and orange comet appears, enabling us to leave our Earthly bodies and become one with the comet. Destination: Planet Orange. What's so great about Planet Orange? Read on, if you have the stones.

On Planet Orange, admission is free to any Suns game. Robert Sarver had a phenomenal economic boom with his real estate company, and decided to reduce the ticket prices to zero out of the warmth of his heart. Unless they are Lakers fans, in which case the have to pay $120 for nosebleed seats and aren't allowed any beer. 

On Planet Orange, the Suns win the title every season. Their starting lineup consists of Alvan Adams, Connie Hawkins, Jared Dudley, Dan Majerle and Steve Nash. Dudley has a 43 inch vertical, and rocks the rim nightly with his ridiculous gorilla dunks. Charles Barkley comes off the bench and gives color commentary with Al McCoy, who doesn't let Jeff Munn cover any of his games. Marcin Gortat is the head coach. Gar Heard comes off the bench to nail the game-winner in every Suns victory. 

Every season in the playoffs, they defeat the Lakers in the WCF, coming back from a 0-3 deficit to break the hearts of Lakers fans everywhere. The Lakers lineup consists of Shaq, Worthy, Jerry West, Sasha Vujucic and Magic Johnson. Kobe only gets in during garbage time, and as soon as the Suns seal the victory, he turns into chocolate and is devoured by ravenous Suns fans. And every year when they get knocked out, Jack Nicholson cries in front of everybody, and his tears are made of Tabasco sauce. So not only does he suffer the humiliation of crying in public, his eyes burn with the fury of a thousand fire-breathing dragons. 

Whoever the Suns play after knocking off the Lakers doesn't matter, cause they always sweep the Finals.

Vince Carter works at the arena as a poor peanut vendor. His shoes have holes in them.

If you want, feel free to stay in your Earthly bodies. Just know that here on Earth, the Suns won't be relevant again for at least five years. I don't know about you, but I'll be 33 years old in five years, which means I'll be too old and confused to even enjoy it anymore. 

So think it over, Bright Siders. You can drink in the glory on Planet Orange for all eternity, or you can... go to England. If you go with England that's fine, but just remember that there's a reason why we fought a war just to get these people off our land. And the best thing about my proposal is, if you decide to come to Hawai'i to drink the Poison Punch Capri-Sun, you can just put the trip on your credit card! It's not like you'll have to pay it off while you're on Planet Orange, drinking in all those Suns' championships. 

All you need is a little leap of faith, and you could be watching Steve Nash toss alley-oops to Connie Hawkins.

Hit me up on FB if you're interested.


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