An NBA-fix for David Stern's league

I've written a poem.

It's about the NBA, its current state and a possible solution.

I hope Mr Stern reads it.



My league is the National Basketball Association and that's something I can't deny,

It has players who work on their game all day long, they shoot jumpers and learn how to fly.


My league is full of explosive talent like KD, Lebron and Dwight Howard,

It's got Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant and Carmelo Anthony (even though he is a coward).


With all that talent the league managed to produce a 2010 season of note,

Despite it being a great year for the fans, 2011 is going down like the Titanic boat.


It's looking like it will be sunk and lost, with no sign of it to see,

And it's all because of the dollar bills y'all, didn't you know? - money doesn't grow on a tree.


It's far from a resource that is never ending, despite the league making loads of it,

The players and the league can't agree or come close, on a percentage that is the best split.


It's sickening really when you think of how, the fans are the ones getting screwed,

We're the ones who suffer the most and all because with finances, the league wasn't more shrewd.


Didn't they learn from the last lockout, when the league didn't start 'til after New Year?

”The meeting was pointless, we're further apart than before” that's all I've had to hear.


If the league really wanted to get started back up and genuinely feared for the season,

They'd clear their schedules for the next 2 weeks and sit down and discuss with a reason.


But instead they choose to dance 'round the maypole, (that's a British thing I'm not proud of),

Nothing ever gets done between all parties involved, so players leave the league like Timofy Mozgov.


Actually, that's not such a bad thing after all, he's solely famous for being a victim,

Scratch that, he's INFAMOUS, wrong word, my mistake, like being dunked all over by 'him'.


I call him 'Him' because I refuse to say, VC's full name any more,

If only VC would follow Pooh Jeter's decision making and walk right out the NBA door.


Now that's how the NBA should promote their side, of an argument they currently won't win,

Fans would get behind a league that advertises the fact that they are getting rid of 'talent' like Chris Quinn.


“The dead wood is going, leaving the league full of the elite” that's how they should sell it to my father,

He's a fan of the game and needs reassurance by Stern, so NBA tell him about Jordan Farmar!


He's left the league to go play in Israel, “Good riddance, he was always overrated”,

The new slogan of the NBA should definitely be: Where only good players play, not the ones you hated.


Hey Stern, I think I've cracked your selling point, to get the fans back on your side,

What's that? With my creative brain, you think I might be able to turn the tide?


So now that fans are back on board, thanks to my fantastic thinking,

I've resurrected the league and given fans a season, the ship is no longer sinking.


“You've done a fantastic job in league promotion, how about you join my staff?”

“Well thanks for the job offer Mr Stern but no way, you can stick it up your arse”


I know exactly how this story goes and just how it will all end,

The league is cyclical Mr Commissioner, Sir, there is quite an obvious trend.


While things are good and the league is making money, I'll have a job with you,

But as soon as the new CBA comes along, you'll panic about money - that's what you do.


I'll lose my job like so many before me, I'm not gonna allow that to take place,

I'll stick on the fan side, the ONLY side that truly cares, I don't want to see your second face.


You've got more faces than a Rubik's cube and that's why I can't stand you Mr Stern,

You give the fans hope with your empty sentiments, all the while you let the league burn.


And for that I retract my idea on how to promote a league that is currently suffering,

Because like my internet connection late at night, your CBA meetings are stuck bufffffering...


Your negotiations are going nowhere Stern, I hope the world labels you a 'Schmuck',

You've shown you don't care about the league or players, the fans are the only ones who give a.... damn.


So I'll continue to follow the game through other methods, the Goodman League and Euroball,

You need to understand Commissioner Stern, Sir, that the NBA is not the be-and-end-all.


The game was around long before you were born, and will still be here in a hundred years,

Knowing the game will always exist on some level helps to allay my fears.


You're not bigger than the game and neither is your league, it's not all about merchandise

One day you'll realise that the game's real home is in the heart of every baller and fan alike.

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