FanPost

Stern Sends 'Substantial Sanctions' SUNS way...


"Totally unacceptable," said NBA commissioner David Stern following the Phoenix SUNS decision to not have any players show up for their game against the Detroit Pistons Wednesday evening.

"I want to apologize to the SUNS' fans. Players cannot simply take the night off, regardless of whether they are on a difficult road trip or not," Stern continued.

SUNS starters were noticeably absent throughout the game, flanked by the whining Gortat's and the bench-bound Beasley's parallel 1-6 shooting, and led by Markieff Morris' mind-boggling +/- of -30. "The conglomerate negative plus-minus of the Phoenix starters created a swirling vortex of anti-basketball ions that generated an equal and opposite reaction of Charlie Villanueva finishing with a +32. Absolutely no one wants to see that!" Stern exclaimed.

Later in the same communique, Stern referred to the game as the 'Detroit Defecation Debacle,' and declared that significant sanctions would be heading the SUNS way.

"The SUNS have been sending starters away for years!" countered Phoenix owner Robert Sarver, oxymoronically undefending his own position and creating quite the negative black hole of his own.. "Joe Johnson--gone! Shawn Marion--outta here! Amar'e Stoudemire--vamoosed! Steve Nash--out on his ear! Grant Hill--dumped like yesterday's trash! We've been punishing our fans for years!"

"Too true," stated Stern. "There will be no further sanctions forthcoming. The SUNS' fanbase has suffered enough..."

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Bright Side Of The Sun

You must be a member of Bright Side Of The Sun to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bright Side Of The Sun. You should read them.

Join Bright Side Of The Sun

You must be a member of Bright Side Of The Sun to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Bright Side Of The Sun. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker