Phoenix Suns Rosterbation is about to run as rampant as it's ever been on this here interwebs thingy. Being the massive fan of all thing 'sterbation that I am, I wanted to jump right in. You may call it premature but that's up to you.
If we are to believe the front office, the Suns are in for a major overhaul in the hopes of giving one Mr. Steve Nash a final go at a trophy with "his" team - before he decides Lebron, D'wade and the Cat-Faced Man in Miami are a better fit for him.
Join in on the Nashterbating(?) after the break.
As a fan of the fact that I'm not a GM, or Basketball Operations dude, or any of the other nifty sounding titles sports folks have invented over the years, I'm going over this unencumbered by those pesky things called facts. Thus, I'm not checking anything out to see if it works with the salary cap, or luxury tax, or that weird sounding 9.9.9 plan the pizza guy had. All I'm doing is throwing some shizzle out there for the world to take one quick look at then tell me why it won't work. Basically, I'm dreaming of a Suns team that could compete and convince Stevieboy to retire with us.
Ready? Here we go:
Step One: Dwight Freaking Howard... and I lost you... I know, I know! But I'm "dreaming" remember!
OK. I know he isn't a free agent anymore but I think he still wants to get the hell out of Orlando and as far away from Van Grungy's midget musk as he can. AND - word on the street is he'd love to play alongside Nash. I know he meant he'd love for Nash to play in Orlando with him, but as soon as he takes one look at the new "Hall-O'-Recruitment" the Suns built on the way back to the visitors locker room he'll be fantasizing of rock climbing and long, warm red rock hikes in no time.
So: We convince Orlando they made a huge mistake by trading us Gortat and that they desperately need him back. Then after is all goes down we extend him a contract offer his accountant will frolic over. That package would look like this:
Suns get - Dwight Freaking Howard. Magic get - The Polish Marsh, Mr. Morris, The Warrick who didn't star in Willow, and yes, our beloved Junk Yard Dog, Jarred Dudley. Seeing Duds and Morris go will be rough but you can't dream of making an omelet without dreaming of breaking some eggs. I did actually check and that trade does actually work, we'd just need to get a lot of exec's in Orlando really frickin' drunk.
Step Two: Gerald Lanky Wallace... Jesus! Did I loose you again... Stay with me here...
Easy enough really. This guy likes money and we have some to spend. He is similar to Grant Hill in a lot of ways - only younger and, well, "bigger, better, faster, stronger" to quote Kanye West sampling Daft Punk - though I don't know if that's actually true, it just feels true, and I really dig his hair.
Why? Duh. Winning! Goran would start at the 2 Guard easing the pain of JYD's departure. He's a pesky defender and could allow for a two-headed attack on the pnr. Could be fun - well actually we've seen it before so we know it's fun!
On top of all that Jazz (those m*therf*ckers) we add the triple threat of Jeremy Lin off the bench (at least until Nash retires). Steve could go out after about 8 minutes and Goran slides over to the Point and Lin comes in at the 2. Lin would start the 2nd quarter at the point with the decrepit remains of Michael Redd getting some run at the 2 until Steve and Goran are rested up and ready to kick some more ass, presumably around the 6 minute mark.
ALSO - in crunch time you could play a 3 guard line-up that would have three separate continents on their feet cheering while our two biggest bigs hold down the fort for the grand ol' US of A. Sarver would love the kind of blinged out grill that international fan money could buy him.
Step Four: Fill out the roster with people I like to watch play basketball.
Guards: Steve Nash, Goran Dragic, Jeremy Lin, and Michael Redd.
Centers: Dwight Freaking Howard, Robin Fropez, and Nazr Mohammed.
If you look closely you'll notice I've unilaterally amnestied Chilly. Sorry J-Chill I actually really like your game *cough* but I hate your salary.
Step Five: Jon Bones Jones... Seriously do you have any idea how much of a badass that guy is! His elbows make Metta World Violence look like a pacifist!
Well, if anyone has any idea if this is actually possible or not please feel free to sound off in the comments. I think it'd be... uh... dope...? Again, I'd like to reiterate that I'm dreaming here. I know the likelihood of this happening is very slim but hell somehow the Heat actually exist in reality and this team probably isn't even as good as them. Shit! No! I mean, Hey Steve! This team will kick the Heat's ass from Vancouver to Toronto! please don't leave us....