Here is my attempt to mock the draft [lottery picks only]

  1. New Orleans Hornets: Anthony Davis, Kentucky

No shock here. However, because the sale of the franchise takes the team out of the control of Stern, Davis will be immediately traded to LA for Andrew Bynum and somehow the Lakers find a way to be relevant again.

2. Charlotte Bobcats: John Henson, UNC

With Jordan’s affinity for UNC, as well as the fact that the only differing physical feature between the two being the unibrow, he mistakenly thinks that Henson is Davis and accidentally drafts Henson.

3. Washington Wizards: Andre Drummond, Connecticut

After realizing his mistake MJ decides that he has to trade for the player he really covets, so he trades Henson down to the Wizards for this guy.

Unrefined skills? Check

Questionable work ethic? Check

Undeniable size and NBA body? Check

Kwame Brown’s number on speed dial? Check!

4. Cleveland Cavaliers: Dion Waiters, Syracuse

"Wait a second. If this guy was the first to get a promise on the first day after the draft order was revealed, then he must be something special." Dan Gilbert’s conscience.

In a bold move out, Gilbert steals the man with the promise before anyone else can get him, regardless of the fact that he passed up 17 better players.

5. Sacramento Kings: Tony Wroten Jr.

In the spirit of continuing to draft players at positions where their skills do not translate, Geoff Petrie finally builds his dream backcourt of Tyreke Evans and Tony Wroten Jr. A point guard that can’t point, and a shooting guard that can’t shoot. Only later does he realize that if he switched them to the other’s position, his team still sucks.

6. Portland Trail Blazers (via New Jersey Nets): Kendall Marshall, UNC

While surprised that Gilchrist, Robinsons, Beal, and Barnes have fallen into their laps, after careful analysis it was determined that none of those players projected out to become injury prone, so they went with the best talent available that is likely to have a career ending injury.

7. Golden State Warriors: Damian Lillard, Weber State

Despite needs in other areas, Warriors brass felt that Stephen Curry lost something when they traded away Ellis. So in order to motivate him a bit and light a fire under his ass, they draft another combo guard.

8. Toronto Raptors: Denzell Taylor, St. Benedict's Prep (HS)

After losing out to Dallas in the Nash Free Agency Sweepstakes, Raptors draft this lanky 6’-7" small forward, despite the fact they aren’t allowed to draft a kid out of HS. Stern is so busy admiring his ego that he doesn’t notice that Toronto drafts a HS kid from Totonto native. But once he realizes his error, he claims that he allowed this one time exception in an effort to boost interest in the idea that there are actually players FROM Canada that can play.

9. Detroit Pistons: Perry Jones III, Baylor

With Tayshaun Prince retired [but apparently still with the team and playing], Pistons realize they need to replace him. Jones fits the bill, mostly because he fits in the same Jersey size. [you see, he is skinny too].

10. New Orleans Hornets (via Minnesota Timberwolves): Royce White, Iowa State

After trading Davis, the Hornets realize that their franchise center is still Chris Kaman, and he is a free agent. So in order to entice Kaman to stay, they draft Royce White in the hopes that Kaman realizes this guy might be crazier than him, and with his phobias won’t be available for that many games, giving Kaman more playing time. If you are crazy, that makes very good sense.

11. Portland Trail Blazers: Jared Sullinger, Ohio State

This was a tough pick for them. Portland found out that Jeremy was injured during workouts in Toronto, but they had to go with the guy that has back problems. Sure, grant Hill proved that ankle issues can hinder your career, but back problems have more upside [or is it downside]. They went for the safe pick here in Sullinger.

12. Milwaukee Bucks: Will Barton, Memphis

In an effort to let everyone know there was still a team in Milwaukee, Bucks brass decided to go for the surprise pick of the draft just to get their name out there. At the Combine, Barton tested almost off the charts, if you consider having the worst results as barely registering on the chart. He made Jared Sullinger look athletic. Thus, the Bucks went in that direction.

13. Phoenix Suns: No Pick

In order to facilitate a sign and trade for Nash, the Suns send Nash and this pick, along with the Suns 1st round picks for the next seven years, to Portland for Kurt Thomas.

14. Houston Rockets: Evan Fournier, France

They need more foreigners.

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