A while back I wrote a comical lil diddy about a dream 2013 Suns line-up that included "Dwight Freaking Howard". There was of course a slight hint of hopefulness amongst the fun tone and brilliant zingers. It would honestly be awesome for Dwight to play in the desert! But I didn't think it would actually be possible. But now I'm wondering if maybe... well, you know.
So what makes me think it could happen, aside from the large portion of Tullamore Dew I'm enjoying on my day off...? Hit it:
Of course, the FO did the one thing I think is nearly unforgivable - trade my homie Stevie Boy to the Los Angeles Bryants... That deserves a sad face...
Anyway - I said "nearly unforgivable" for a reason. We got 4 picks (which will likely be shit) out of the deal, 2 firsts and 2 seconds as you all surely know by now. Plus 3 mil and maybe a trade exception via their Odom deal or something - I don't really understand how trade exceptions work so someone will have to help me out with that. Did we "get" it or did they "use" it...?
The front office is apparently really good at selling talented players on our team, community, fans (that's us!) and whatnot. Cool right!? Maybe they could roll out the cheese colored carpet again and get all their employees to stand in the heat and chant something cool. They chanted "Welcome Home" for Goran and "Cornerstone" for Eric Gordon and "Legalize It" for Beasley, so why not chant "Yeah! Fuck Orlando!" or something like that for Dwight...? It could work.
So the FO gets D12 on-board for another half-assed Eminem album then they get DH12 on-board to sign a long-term extension BY WAY OF convincing Dwight the James Bond villain that owns the Nyets is really just Stan van Grundgy standing in front of an elongating mirror (like the ones you see at the circus) which is totally true by the way.
Now all we have to deal with is the Magic and Dwight's humongous... contract. I hear it's basically Shaq sized. 19.5
The Magic are saying they want the opportunity to build through the draft so they are looking for a package of talent (for now) and 1st rounders (for later). Guess what we got mother effer's!!!!
I think this might actually be, sort of, kind of, possible! Though be cautioned - I'm not sure of the money stuff, the trade machine doesn't quite work the way I'd like it to.
I know the front office doesn't want to give up cap flexibility but I think it might be worthwhile if we could actually land Howard. I also know the Magic are trying to get the Howard winner to take back either Turkeyglue or JRich's contract so that further muddies the waters. But hang with me for a few more poorly constructed sentences...
Option 1: We get Dwight. They get Lakers 13 and 15 1st rounders, Suns 14 1st rounder, Lakers 13 14 2nd rounders, Suns 13 14 2nd rounders. Marcin Gortat (a very serviceable replacement for Howard) and the expiring (sort of) contracts of Warrick (I think Warrick doesn't have guaranteed money after next year though his contract has 2 more years on it) and Telfair. I know the salaries are not within 125% and I have no idea what future draft picks are worth (money/cap wise) in a trade but I'd imagine this would suffice. I also know that if you are under the salary cap you don't have to take back equal value so that means... something. Depending on the status of the other new guy contracts we may need to amnesty Childress first to make it happen but I'm all for amnestying a player getting paid to sit on the bench and take up cap space anyway.
Option 2: If that doesn't work we send Dudley their way too which I know makes the trade work.
Option 3: If they still say no - Add our 2015 1st and 2nd rounders and find a way to take back Richardson. I'm not sure how that works money wise either but it feels possible... sort of...
Ok, that's all from me. I like writing drunkish... Go Suns!
Dwight to the Suns possible?
Yes, lets do it! (36 votes)
Yes, but...(comments) (10 votes)
No, your fuzzy logic is too fuzzy. (23 votes)
No, because...(comments) (7 votes)
Get outta here you drunk asshole! (52 votes)
128 total votes