FanPost

Who's Guarding this Looney Bin?


A dark and stormy night. Lightning splits the sky. A silent, bat figure swoops down and lands before the massive, foreboding iron doors. With an upraised fist, the figure pounds on one of the vault-like doors which is engraved with the words, "PHarXham Asylum." The tiniest of eyeslits slides open, emitting a ray of light on the drenched Dark Knight.

"Wh-wh-who ith it?" stutters a high voice from within.

"I'm Batman," the dark figure growls in a low voice. "Why is it that so few who are sent here, remain here?"

"B-b-b-batman?" responds the voice. "Wook at the wazor-wire suwwounding the fifty foot electwified fence awound the pewimiter! We ah neawwy impwegnable!"

"You've committed many powerful individuals inside these 'impregnable' walls, but they keep escaping! The Crazy Bomber--JJ-- skipped out with barely a whimper from you. The Matrix vanished as easily and the monster who was assigned to his cell, the Diesel, barely set his size 23 sneakers inside your facility before he was gone!

"JoeKerr's brother, SteveKerr, skipped away, laughing in the night. The warrior Sun-Tzu snuck off to Gotham, and you would have had nothing in his place if someone else hadn't reminded you to get a Toilet Paper Exception! Then you attempt to cover his spot with The Astonishing Afro, The Human Skeleton, and TukeyGlue, the Boller, before subjecting your watchers to The Half Amazing, Half-Highly-Flammable Man!

"You did a prisoner exchange with the Dragon for AB, the Invisible Man, whom nobody has seen! Lou, the Lunchpail worker, gone! The Roadrunner, gone! When are you going to keep anyone?!"

As the Batman frets and fumes before the massive doors, a side door-- a screen door at that-- screeches open, and Captain Canada comes bounding out into the rain-soaked night, whistling as the rain streams down his long hair. With a wave of his round shield, the one with the circular stripe and the maple leaf in the middle, he shouts to the guard behind the door, "Thanks for the picks! They really helped facilitate my escape!"

"Pwease, don't mention it. Weawwy, don't mention it," says the little guard with a gulp, nervously eying the Dark Knight, as the Captain speeds out of sight.

"Elmer! Who are you talking to?" bellows a voice from further in.

"Nobody, Mr. Bankew, siw, huhuhuhuhuh," says the guard. "I'm just powishing my shotgun fo' wabbit season, huhuhuhuhuhuhuh."

To the Batman, the guard says, "We tawk awot about woyawty and chemitwy awound hewe. Don't go upsetting evewything. You just bettew skedadle, huhuhuhuhuhuhuh."

"It's not what you say, but what you do that defines you!" growls the Batman. "The Dragon is returning, and wait until Court Marshall and Commissioner Gordon arrive to return this facility to its place in the sun!"

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