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"Next Starts Now!": The Evolution of the SUNS' New Slogan

Go back to the beginning of the summer, where we see everyone from the Front Office, all of the SUNS' brain trust, savings, and loan, gathered around a large conference table, poring over statistics, metrics, analyses, and donuts as they prepare to shape the future of Phoenix basketball...

Sarver: "We have to move on. We all know the 'Seven Seconds or Less' era is over..."

Gentry, muttering: "That was over when you tied that big Shaq anchor to the fastest speedboat in the West, okay?"

Sarver: "What? Speak up! Anyway, we're going to cut Nash loose..."

Majerle, sharing a look and a whisper with Gentry: "Great. I'm sure they'll replace a top 20 player with 4 top 80 players. You'd think a banker would be better at math."

Sarver: "And move on to the next era of SUNS basketball! So what we really need..."

Majerle, more whispering: "Talent?"

Sarver, continuing: "...is a zippy new slogan! That way the fans won't notice all the dismantling and selling off that's taken place around here."

Babby: "Thay! That'th a gweat idea! Wet'th change the jewseys, and the fwoor! Wess puwple!"

Blanks: "But let's focus on the slogan for right now..."

Blobby: "Hocuth, pocuth! Wet'th all focuth! Poof! Wet'th change BwightThide, too! Thothe guyth weawwy gwind my gearth!"

Sarver: "All wight, I mean, all right. Let's stay on task here. The Nash era is over. We need to have the next "Face of the Franchise.' Who do we have left on the team?"

Treolar: "Gortat is our next biggest star. But Dudley has been around the longest."

Sarver: "How about, 'You are now entering the Dudley Dimension!' Huh? Good?"

Treolar: "We'll have to replace Steve, as best we can, on the court and in the fans' hearts."

Blobbly: "Fanth, thmanth! We wun thith pwace! Thothe BwightThiderth think they'we thooo knowwedgabwe, with theiw factth, and metwicth, and thtatithticth!"

Sarver, wiping the spit from his face with his silk handkerchief: "We'll get that Dragic guy back. It's worked before, sending a SUN to Texas to season him up. Next, we will have...' The Dragon Era!'"

Kayte: "'The Return of the Dragon'... 'Orang Goran'... 'The Orange Dragon is on fire'... Yes, lot's of potential there."

Blanks: "True, true. But it would be better if the slogan weren't tied to just one player. Our next superstar is probably beyond the horizon yet."

Gentry: "Let's get him soon, okay?"

Majerle: "We need our next star now. Our next Nash now. Our next STAT now!"

Sarver: "What did you say? I like the sound of that. 'Next star now!' We can work with that! Who do we know that's good with words? That BrightSide of the Sun blog has a lot of good wordsmiths."

Bloobily: "There'th that Jim Couffeehour. But he'th tho thmug. Jutht becauthe he'th alwayth wight. And he utheth wordth longew than youw awm!"

Sarver: "No, don't get any of the smart ones. I swear, you'd think those guys had this place wired, the way they know everything thing that goes on in here. Why I don't fire half of you and hire BSotS to run the team is beyond me. Except they'd want me to spend money. No, call up that idiot with all the puns."

Boobily: "THNQP!? He hateth me! And I can nebbew figuwe out what he'th thaying! I witewawwy hate hith gutth!"

Sarver: "Oh, I think you are exaggerating, Elmer, er, Lon. He's just the guy we need. Those other bloggers know their basketball. That MMotherwell guy is killing us with his advanced statistics..."

Boogerbly: "Yeah, I hate thta---"

Sarver, holding his hankie up as a shield: "DON'T SAY IT! And that suns68 guy thinks it's all about getting talent. It's about making money! But SNQP just wants something to cheer for. Get him on speakerphone."

Sarver, after the connection is made: "SNQP? We here at the SUNS Front Office would like a little help from you on putting together a new slogan for the SUNS. You would do that for the team that you love so dearly, wouldn't you? We are thinking of some play on the words that talk about the next era beginning in Phoenix..."

SNQP: "Oh, like when Thunder Dan earlier said, 'Next STAT Now'?"

Sarver: "How did you hear that? This is a CLOSED meeting! You couldn't have heard that!"

SNQP, whispering: "Oops. Omaha, you'll have to make sure the bug is really hidden! Maybe get NashMV3 to bug Kayte instead of the room, next time." Louder: "Um, I was just guessing."

Sarver: "Something about a new start, like Brooklyn has, except we're not going to spend any money on a new arena or anything."

SNQP: "'Nets Start Now'?"

Blabberly: "Not about Brooklyn! Wike, we need anothew staw, wike Thoudemiw'e."

SNQP: "'Knicks Start Now'?"

Blubby: "It'th thuppothed to be about the THUNTH, you ignoramuth! I knew you would be too negatibe! You and youw BwightThide buddieth, thtawting in on the negatibes!"

SNQP: "'Negs Start Now'?"

Bumbly: "NO!"

SNQP: "Okay, okay. Hmm, the phoenix is a bird. 'Nest Starts Now'?"

Bloomby: "Too thtupid! We are the Headth of thith organithathion!"

Sarver: "Yes! I like that. We are the Heads! You are the body. You do what we say! That little blog has been far too negative, looking at what other teams are doing. Well, you will only look where we tell you to! What can the body do?"

SNQP: "The Necks Start Now!"

Sarver: "What was that? 'Next Starts Now'? I like it! Thank you, SNQP. We know your love for the SUNS will keep you coming back regardless of your faith in the Front Office to accomplish anything in this new era."

SNQP: "Yep."

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