Hello, there. I have read much of this site since it was born and I must admit that I don't like it so much... as need it. These days, I find myself more and more reclusive. I have found that asking my poker-faced utilitarian laptop direct questions about the Phoenix Suns typically yields mere silence or hour after hour of pornography.
So I will try this FanPosting thing once. If I am successful, I will never post again. If not, I will post until everyone likes me, and then never again.
*Secret lifelong Suns fan. I even liked Marbury. He had heart. I don't talk Suns with my mouth. It's like Fight Club to me.
*I live in a pile of garbage, but the rent is okay for the area.
*I used to read books, write screenplays, make movies. All crappy.
*I currently sell bikes, paint your house, sit on my balcony, waiting, waiting, waiting.
*I was once a lead video coordinator for the two-time champion Arizona Rattlers, where I found out that the equipment guy is the Suns' equipment guy's brother. They never paid me. I retaliated by playing Fruit Ninja on the phone in the bathroom relentlessly. I could still go back, strangely.
*It took me 7 years to figure out how to make a FanPost.
*I am 12ft tall, but I still have only a 32'' inseam, so I never played basketball. It's all torso. Bikes are difficult for me. Actually, probably 30". My pants are always dragging all over the asphalt or room garbage.
- Jerseys look like Phoenix Suns pajamas. But they grow on you. Not me. You.
- Does no one feel any romanticism anymore towards having old, semi-useful hall-of-famers on your team until they retire because they deserve it? Like Bird, or Reggie Miller, or I dunno... I'm sure there are other examples. Even on rebuilding teams?
- Does no one else see 'going to a contender' as kind of silly? I mean, if you're a real competitor, do you go to the kickball team with all the jocks on it, or do you go to the nerd team? Is it really winning when you stack the deck? Not only that, you're expected to win, embarrassed every time you lose.
- Plumlee's going to be good. He is fluid, tall, can jump. Better than Lou. I'd bet. I knew it when I saw the Summer League stuff.
- I have high hopes that Hornacek's offense is as fast as Mike D's. But smarter. Also... Faster. Maybe it was my imagination, but after a few seasons, Mike D's offense seemed to slow down. Like the players weren't buying it anymore. Or got tired. Nash eventually seemed tired of being the first one down the court. SSOL only really seemed to exist for the first two seasons.
- For all of the funny roster combos I've seen tossed around, no one seems to mention the fact that we have Brown and Green, had a Redd and a White, we could get a Gray. Mr. Plum(lee), too.
Archie Goodwin Nickname
- Archer. The Archer. Archie 'The Archer' Goodwin
- See Chuck Person, the Rifleman
- Arch, as in shot
- Straight as an arrow
- So, like, y'know, he's um, like, the kind of archer, that, y'know, shoots, like, the basketballs.
- I copyrighted the name, but McDonalds sued me. They also sued Archer Goodwin. Me and Archie have no legal rights to his name. I also lost the copyright to my own name, Quartermainn Pounder. True story.
- Amare's nickname should have been 'Fire' or 'Sunfire'. I told him this once, back when he was looking for a less crappy nickname, but he just pretended like he didn't hear me and kept on playing basketball. I was in the upper deck, but trust me, he heard. His eyes, knees, and maybe back, and possibly rebounding were bad. Not his ears.
- Oh, holy baby, I just thought of another one! Golden Archie. Man, that's good. I should get a job making nicknames. At the mall. In Dillard's. Golden Archie Goodwin.
- Andrew Wiggins, with the right kind of eyes, seems to appear very physically similar to... Carrot Top. I mean, like, in the face. Google it. I said it first. I mean, seriously. Look at the face. Stunning. Squint, and imagine colorblindness. Not the red-green kind, but the black-white kind. Or maybe not. Maybe imagine a photographic negative.
- Might I ask who in the crap are you arm-chair-2014-Phoenix-Suns-assistant-general-managers looking at in free agency next year? I just looked at the list, and minus the big fatty boom-boom players like Lebron and D-Wade and Jason 'Franchise' Smith, who is a good addition? I'm creative, but... Not that creative...
- Also on the 2014 Free Agents list, I found someone named Orlando Johnson, who I feel should be nicknamed 'Magic' and should sign with the Orlando Magic. Orlando Magic Johnson of the Orlando Magic.
- I specifically would like to point out that a user by the name of GC_Mandrake is too funny. He should be banned from this and all sites for this reason. The cut of his jib, the Strangelove references, good gifs, intolerable.
- In this post, there are questions. Questions I want you to answer. Answer. The rest of it, just kidding.