Suns get: Michael Beasley, Anthony bennet, JR Smith, Amare, Rudy Gay, Wesley Johnson, Steve Nash, Derozan, Greg Oden, Austin Rivers, heat 2014 1st round pick, Lakers 2019 first round pick, cavs 2014 2nd round pick
Raptors get: Dragic, Goodwin. Markieff Morris
Heat get: Plumlee, PJ tucker
Why the Raptors do it: They get rid of Rudy gay and Derozan, two undisciplined chuckers, and they get Dragic and Goodwin instead. nuff said. Kieff is in there for salary matching purposes
Why the Heat do it: even though Beasley has been playing well for them, we still don't know if he could keep it up. Greg Oden is still an injury risk. Tucker gives them a solid defender to back up James, and his 3 point shooting has been solid, so he should stretch the floor well for them. Plumlee gives them more of an interior presence.
Why the Cavs do it: they can erase a really bad draft decision and instead get Frye, a solid stretch four, to do what they wanted that draft pick to do. They also get Gerald Green. The Suns don't want Waiters, for reasons I'll get to later.
Why the Lakers do it: They get rid of Steve Nash's contract and Wesley Johnson (who is doing okay for them, but let's be honest: he's not as good as Bledsoe), and in return, in Bledsoe they get that new star player to take the reigns, AND they get Alex Len, who has the potential to be an elite big man as long as the injuries heal well.
Now, why do the Suns do it you ask?
1) they get rid of Dragic's albatross contract and get to punk him. You want to re-sign with Suns, Dragic??? We'll just trade you again.
2) Wesley Johnson, Amare, and Steve Nash can finally retire as Suns.
3) Picks!!!! even though the 2019 Lakers pick will probably be not that good b/c they'll have Bledsoe, Len, and all that big market allure...... PICKS!!!!!!
4) The Suns can finally get that top 3 draft pick they wanted, because the players they trade for will not fit well together and to be honest, aren't that good. with a solid core of Rivers, Johnson, Randle/Parker/Wiggins, the sky is the limit!
TL;DR: Trading the roster for draft picks and scrubs is a bad idea. You pretty much have to trade everyone to get a good pick, because there are teams in the east that suck that much. I just wanted to do a fun anti-trade kind of trade. It was pretty fun. Anti-trade fanposts should be the new thing. My goal isn't to ridicule other posters or anything. I just wanted to point out the silliness of trading good players for pennies via satire. Hope you enjoyed it! I had fun writing