From "Ignite the Future" to "Full Throttle" in One Off-Season

Cheerio Mates!

So, I tend to all-but disappear around these parts during the basketball season because, A) I have plenty of actual basketball to hold my attention, and B) much of what I write here is speculative roster bating moves and we were good enough this year that I didn't dwell on the roster during the season. Don't get me wrong, I still lurked my way through almost every article posted! I just didn't feel the need to pollute the landscape with my scheming.

Anyhow, we all know the off-season brings change. Last year, I couldn't wait for it. This year, I'm actually a bit sad. But, I know, even if we stand pat, what we had "chemistry" wise this year wont be what he have next year. Sniffles...

Farewell 2013-14 season, I loved you.

Now it's time to drop trou and get to business.

The two big offseason targets almost everyone agrees we should pursue are Charles Barkley and Dan Marjerle. No?

Ok, how 'bout their 2014 equivalents in Kevin Love and Gordon Hayward. Now the 2014 target acquisitions may be 100% whiter than the Barkley and Marjerle duo but try not to hold that against them. They could be just as great for the franchise as those two icons of Suns fandom.

Best Get To 'Splainin'!

Though Dan Majerle, contrary to popular belief, started every game of our beloved 92-93 season he played a huge role with the reserve unit. He led the team in minutes because of the amount of time he spent on the court with the bench mob. He had great "chemistry" with the 2nd unit as a result of playing off the bench most of his career up to that point.

He had young legs, great tenacity and a killer long range stroke.

Yes, I'm proposing we acquire Gordon Hayward and play him a shit-ton of minutes off the bench. He can be a capable scorer, secondary distributer and lock-down defender against the opposing teams second unit, with a less risky disposition compared to Gerald Green.

Sorry Gerald, you're in this trade. As we all know, Gordon Hayward is a Restricted Free Agent. Meaning, we need to convince Utah that Hayward isn't worth keeping for the long haul. We work out a sign and trade that sends $3m, Gerald Green and Miles Plumlee to Jazz things up in Utah in exchange for the services of one, very talented if inappropriately utilized, Gordon Hayward.

But Hayward Could Mess Up Markieff's Production!?

Nope! Cause we already traded him to MInnesota. Sorry Kieff. If it makes you feel any better you get to take your brother with you.

In exchange for Kevin Love, Minnesota enjoys the game time productivity of the Morri, the 2014 1st Round Draft selections of the Phoenix Suns and Indiana Pacers, as well as the 2015 1st Round Draft Pick of the Los Angeles Lakers. Oh yeah, they can have $3million too! It's not my money so what do I care!

Once we're done mortgaging our future for a possible 1-year rental, we get a player virtually identical to Charles Barkley. A slightly undersized Power Forward who is a rebounding and scoring machine that can play passable defense when properly motivated. Do NOT claim Barkley was a monster defender, those are your nostalgia colored glasses kicking in. Amongst his enormous collection of accolades an All Defensive Team selection isn't one of them. Though they may not have given those out back in the day; in my defense, I know very little.

He can't handle the ball like Barkley did. And he isn't the most intimidating player in the league like Sir Charles was. BUT, on the plus side, he's consistently lost weight and gotten more in shape throughout his career, while the Round Mound of Rebound went definitively in the other direction.

OK, dude. Now do the Math!

So, we're out:


Three 1st Round Draft Picks ranging possibly from #5 through number 30.

Three of our most surprisingly productive players and a Morris twin, kidding-kidding, love ya Mook.

It's a pretty steep price tag but....? Who knows, it could work!

Our line-up would consist of Goran and Bledsoe splitting the point-guard minutes with Archie stepping up to fill a bigger role as the 3rd guard in the line-up. He could eat up a large chunk of potential shooting-guard minutes when Goran and/or Eric need some chill time.

PJ "Bad-Motha" Tucker would have to sacrifice some minutes to our new Super-Sub, Gordon Hayward. Have I mentioned how beautiful his first name sounds!? Hint, hint, we have something in common... Gordonio would play 35-40 minutes per game depending on match-ups, keeping in mind he can ALSO spend sometime at the 4! Likewise, Tuck has proven to be able to put in some time at the 2 when needed. It's called Versatility people!

The POWER forward slot is now filled with the stubbliest of floor spacing stretchiness possible; Kevin Love and Channing Tatum. This provides a ginormous amount of space in the middle for el Slashochist Brothers to slit through defenses like a knife through buttermilk! Not even solid butter, that is how slashy they'd be. We'd get like, 300 percent better at rebounding too. Boom! Just like that. Boom. Again!? BOOM!

At the 5... Things get dicey.

Alex Len would have to step up, like, freakin' HUGE!

If he can get some hop back in his step, work on his post defense, and finishing ability; Alex could be something special. Nobody was counting on him having to make a huge leap in his sophomore season and that may be the biggest risk to this whole situation. We all know Shavlik Randolph isn't getting a ton of minutes at the 5.

In the mean time, we could play Channing Tatum at the 5...? Now, that may be inconceivably stretchy for most of you but I could easily imagine an end of game situation where a line-up of Dragic, Bledsoe, Hayward, Love and Tatum could cause some serious issues to an opposing defense. The downside of that? It could cause some serious issues for the Suns defense as well. You would definitely want to pick special occasions to bust out that line up.

You Totally Screwed Up the TEAM Man!?

Hmmmm? Yeah, maybe.

But the Suns have an ace up their sleeves. I'm counting on Good Ol' Young McDonough to track down a reliable Center by way of trade, draft, or McMiracle. I don't care how he does it. Sheesh, I've already done all the hard work in this post, the least he can do is earn his keep via identifying a top 10 center floating out there somewhere. Easy-peasy, right?


Point Guard - Eric Bledsoe/Goran Dragic... Ish Smith

Shooting Guard - Goran Dragic/Archie Goodwin... "Bad-Motha" Tucker

Small Forward - Gordon Hayward/"Bad-Motha" Tucker... Archie Goodwin

POWER Forward - Kevin Love/Channing Tatum... Gordon Hayward

Center - Alex Len/McMiracle/Shavlik Randolph... Channing Tatum

Yes, I know:



This man is not on our basketball team...

Image Attribution:

Gage Skidmore [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

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