FanPost

Sharknado Hits Planet Orange | Chapter 1 - I Hope You Get Bitten By a Shark

"$48 million over 4 years seems like a fair offer. You're clearly not a max player. Only a dumbass would pay you more than what Kyle Lowry makes, and you know it. So go on and sign the damn sheet, Eric. Eric? Eric!!"

The plane rocks and Eric Bledsoe wakes up, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. Eric looks to his right to see his agent, Rich Paul, angrily trying to gnaw open a pack of peanuts.

"Goddamn piece of shit won't open!" Paul exclaims.

Eric looks out the plane window to his left and sees nothing but dark clouds. He'd almost forgotten that he was on a flight out to Los Angeles.

"That dream was batshit crazy. There's no way those Suns execs would talk to me like that. Just chillax, Eric. After this 2-day shoe signing event, you can finally go and chill with your boy Bron Bron. Let Rich handle all that contract ish."

"Excuse me, miss! Can I get another bag of peanuts? Oh, and I'd like a Sprite too please. Actually... can you open the bag of peanuts for me and pour them into one of those little plastic cups? Thanks (for nothing)," said Rich Paul.

"Ugh... can we just land in LA already? Can't stand another minute on this goddamn plane," Eric muses.

The plane shakes again, and the flight attendant spills the cup of peanuts and Sprite on Rich's silk shirt. Rich jumps up from his seat.

"Yo... WHAT THE HELL??? That shirt was SILK! SILK!" Rich screamed.

"I'm so sorry for that! Let me wipe that off for you," begged the flight attendant.

"NO. I'll take care of it myself. Why is the help always so damn incompetent?"

The flight attendant walks away in embarrassment. Suddenly, an alert sounds and the pilot announces in his baritone voice: "Ladies & Gentlemen, we're about to make our descent into LAX Airport. We're currently flying through some sort of strange storm, so we're experiencing extra turbulence. Please keep your seat belts on and avoid leaving your seats unless absolutely necessary. Thank you again for flying with Southwest Airlines."

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Rich grunts emphatically and walks toward the lavatory. Eric shakes his head and smirks to himself. He looks out the window again and... what the? He rubs his eyes. There was no way he could've seen what he thought he'd seen.

Suddenly, Eric hears a loud crack behind him. He turns around and sees that the plane's emergency exit door was torn off. Passengers were being sucked out of the plane, and Rich was holding on for dear life to one of the seats.

"Somebody help me!" screamed Rich.

Eric unbuckled his seat belt and slowly made his way towards Rich. All the passengers around him were getting out of their seats and forcing their way to first class, completely ignoring the sports agent in need. Eric reached out his hand and waved at Rich to grab his hand.

Rich reached out to grab Eric's hand when a strange growling sound came from the gaping hole in the plane's side. Eric turned his head to see a giant shark flying towards the plane with its mouth wide open.

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"Holy sh... AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Rich screamed. The shark had chomped down on Rich's hand before Eric could grab it.

Eric's eyes widened in fear. Not sure what to do, he opened the nearest overhead compartment to look for a weapon. Digging around, Eric found a plastic lightsaber toy some kid probably bought at their nearest Target (what a bunch of cheapskates). He whipped out the plastic blade and started whaling on the shark (had to throw in a complementary Sreekar-esque pun) with the toy.

Seeing no other option, Eric dropkicked the shark. In the snout.

The shark recoiled and flailed backwards. The heavy current coming in from the broken plane door pulled the shark back out of the plane. The danger appeared to have passed.

To nobody's surprise, Eric's dropkick move had caused the shark to snap Rich's arm clean off, and blood was spilling out all over his silk shirt. Eric looked towards the front of the plane, and he spotted the flight attendant who had assisted Rich earlier. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of the blood-stained shirt.

Eric looked back down at Rich. Before he could even ask Rich if he was OK, Rich was already gone.

The pilot's voice rang through the intercom once more: "I hope everyone's OK. We're beginning our descent. Everyone please stay in first class so you don't get sucked out the giant hole on the side of our plane. Thank you."

Eric stood up and looked out the giant hole in the side of the plane. A giant tornado filled with what appeared to be sharks was moving towards the city.

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As the plane began its descent, only one thought crossed Eric Bledsoe's mind:

"Shit. Now I need to hire a new agent."

This is just the first installment in a story I hope to continue posting in the FanPosts. Let me know in the comments if you enjoyed it and want more, or if it's too cray cray for y'all's taste. Thanks for checking it out!