ed note: Congrats to ZF for this awesome illustrated story of the season...while I can't disagree with the idea expressed at the end, I also can't contain my Cubs-fan-like hopefullness that this could be the year...logic vs heart. One series at a time folks...that's all I am thinking about

The State of the Suns - End of Season 2008

By way of Illustration.  

In 2005, Coach Mike D'Antoni, Steve Nash and NBA rules changes created the most awesomely fast and powerful NBA team in recent memory, masterminding a seven-seconds-or-less offense that took the league by storm and won fans in all corners of the basketball world.  The Suns were the new state-of-the-art Indy Car of the NBA.  A perfect thing of beauty.

The Indy Car was fast and exciting.  The fans and sportswriters really liked it's neat-o looks and babe-magnetism.  The Indy Car went so fast! It won in the regular season easily!  However, while the regular season followed normal racing protocols, the Playoffs were not a race.  The Playoffs are a demolition derby.

The 2005 NBA Playoffs  

But the Suns thought next year would be different.  It wasn't.

The 2006 NBA Playoffs  

But the Suns thought next year would be different.  It wasn't.

The 2007 NBA Playoffs  

Do you get the picture?

And every year it was the same.  An Indy Car at the demolition derby, great! The speedy Suns dodged many brutal attacks, but in the end succumbed to the hits each time.  Bruce Bowen, Kwame Brown, Robert Horry. Lamar Odom.  Elton Brand.  And dozens of others in the derby.  

But still the little Indy Car fought on in the demolition derbies.  Then one of the little Indy Car turbo fuel injectors started whining horribly.  It wanted love!  It wanted more shots!  Money!  Public Relations!  

The Indy car was no longer the fastest any more.  Other teams had stolen the designs.  The dislikable Hawks ripped a major part right off the car!   Suns GM Steve, veteran winner of many demolition derbies, wondered what to do with the little Indy Car that no longer could, the little Indy Car whose engine was whining instead of winning.

There was nothing that could be done.  

Then one lucky day, a fellow demolition derby winner and expert called GM Steve.  

"You can have my broken monster truck for that state-of-the-art but cranky fuel injector and that unreliable spark plug laying over there on that bench." offered GM Pat.

"Wow! Let me think about this!" said GM Steve. "Even though it's broken, there just aren't many monster trucks around!"

A long time ago, this monster truck was big and mean, smashing every obstacle in his way en route to three consecutive titles.  He was the baddest most dominant truck ever.

But by this time, Shaq the Monster Truck had slowed down.  He was no longer the Baddest.  At the time of the great trade, he wasn't even the Baddest 36 year old in Miami.

So we brought in the broken down Monster Truck. Everyone in town was excited.

"Wow, we have a Monster Truck!" they cheered.

Just kidding.  Actually, everyone was hysterical.  

"We HAD an Indy Car.  Now we have a broken Indy car (no turbo fuel injector) and a beat up old broken monster truck!  At least we had an Indy Car, now we've got junk!   We're toast!!"

The Indy Car made due with spare parts, but it had all the power of a souped-up Mini Cooper.  

The mechanics worked hard on the Monster truck.  They got it up and running.  Old, slow and broken down, it was more like a Big Tractor now.  It would never be a monster truck again.  The Big Tractor is slow, but it slogs through shit, obstacles, big trees and anything else in its way.  

And we hitched our bandwagon to the Big Shaqtor.

So what do you get when you cross an MiniCooper and a Big Tractor?  You get a finesse team with a little bit of power. You get a frankenstein contraption that's unsafe at any speed and likely to turnover. A lot! Gorilla, save us. This is the weirdo machine we're taking to the demolition derby this year:

WTF?   And you thought Nellie was crazy?   We'll win a few just by surprise value, but I can tell you it won't be pretty!  The sooner we get that thing back into the garage for an overhaul, the better!  

Good luck Suns!  You're gonna need it!