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Bright Side of the Sun's The Night Before Christmas 2011

Happy Holidays, everyone! As always, I give mad apologies to Clement Clark Moore for butchering his holiday classic. And mad apologies to the rest of you for having to read it.


Twas the night before Christmas and all through the league

Coaches were vexed about depth and fatigue.

The lockout had ended with a CBA at last,

But the season was starting way too dang fast!

The owners were nestled all snug in their mansions

While David Stern dreamed of small market expansion.

The players with their contracts were ready to play,

But fans were still deciding whether to pay.

When out of New Orleans, there arose such a fuss,

Dell Demps struck a deal with ol' Doctor Buss.

Chris Paul was a Laker; the Hornets cleaned up

CP3, Kobe and D12 might soon be teamed up!

This trade on the heels of a new CBA

Caused owners and the league widespread dismay!

Dan Gilbert broke out his trusty comic sans...

"We can't give in to star players' demands!"

That little old commish, so shady and quick

On Mister Paul played the dirtiest trick:

"You can go to LA, that biggest of places,

but instead of with Kobe, you'll play for a racist!"

"Now, coaches! Now owners! Now agents and players!

When you go against me, you best say your prayers!

From sunny Miami to cold Minny/St. Paul...

Now bow to me! Bow to me! Bow to me, all!"

As with Patrick Ewing and Tim Donaghy's crimes,

Everyone bit their tongues, just like old times.

With the season compressed, there was no time to waste

Dwelling on scandals that left a bad taste.

Meanwhile in Phoenix, no big names were signed

The fanbase unfortunately was grimly resigned.

Steve Nash would be back, and Grant Hill would be too,

But would their bodies hold up? Or dissolve into goo?

The rest of the roster didn't look terribly hot,

Once you got past Dudley, Frye and Gortat.

Three one-year contracts into players they sunk:

Two backup PGs and #letshannondunk.

But Bright Side of the Sun is the name of this blog

And hope burns eternal like a flaming yule log.

With cap space aplenty, those front office elves

Are sitting quite pretty for two thousand twelve.

So Steve Nash will dish and Grant Hill will defend

And Robin Lopez's back seems to be on the mend.

Maybe Jared Dudley will make such a splash as a starter

That we'll all forget that we once had Vince Carter.

Markieff Morris might just have the tools

To keep Babby and Blanks from looking like fools.

Gortat still impresses and Chilly does not,

But amnesty's there if he never gets hot.

The rest of this roster is tough to describe

Especially if Frye's 3-ball never arrives.

Bur when you're depressed and heaving with sighs

Just gaze into Siler's lovely dark eyes.

Suns fans take heart! At least this year's short!

And the Suns will fight hard when they're on the court!

I wish the best to you all in this merriest of seasons,

And if the Suns suck, just blame "basketball reasons."

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