Dear Boston Celtics,
This evening we shall partake in a contest between our two franchises. It shall be spirited and entertaining to all [or none], as both teams are looking to come back from thumpings they received on Wednesday night.
Our deliciously orange fellows were dispatched by the ironically named "Golden" State Warriors 108-98, despite the continuing efforts of Goran Dragic. His play is both inspiring and a complete waste. Save it for next season Goran.
Your gleefully green ball club was completely embarrassed by your long-time and bitter rivals, the Los Angeles Dysfunctionals 113-99. How you managed to allow Earl Clark to pull down 16 rebounds I am unsure. And while you have seemingly done the unseeming to win eight out of nine games after Rajon Rondo [your welcome for him by the way] went down with the ACL tear, your latest performances have truly been excruciatingly difficult to watch, especially losing to Charlotte. I mean, really? We can beat them.
But I am not here to disparage your good name. I am writing today to provide you with fair warning of what is to come. Now I know that statement sounds like trash talk, but I do not mean it to say that we are going to drub you into tomorrow with our mean pick and roll tandem of Dragic and Marcuskieff [Markieffcus?] Morris. While that may indeed happen [it shall not as Marcus will not be playing, according to our crack investigative reporter Kris Habbas – he is having his physical tonight – not Kris, Marcus], the game tonight will tell a different story.
It is a story of a once proud franchise with a tremendous amount of talent that stormed the league and turned heads. It is a tale of how that franchise rode those superstars for years, piling win upon win and even more smiles from the adoring fans. Yet like all good things, those smiles and wins came to an end.
You see, we once had superstars on our team, much like you have. And as the years went by, so did their ability to produce wins. Yet for quite a while, despite their advanced age, they still managed to beat teams on a regular basis. That is, until they could no more.
So I say to you, Mr. Celtic, as we engage in the back and forth that is the game of hoops, beware! Your aging stars may indeed pull out wins here and there, but if you don’t watch out, you will end up right where your opponent tonight sits – dejected about that fact that even though we kicked your butt, we somehow lost something in the victory – a spot higher in the draft lottery.
Good day and good luck to you. For even if you happen to win [and you shall not], you will soon know the misery of our situation.
What: Phoenix Suns [18-37, 5th Lottery Standings] vs. Boston Celtics [28-26, 7th EC]
When: Friday, February 22nd, 2013, 7:00 PM local time
Where: Soon to be American Airlines Arena [AAA], Phoenix, AZ
Watch/Listen: TV: FSAZ, Radio: 620 KTAR
Head-to-Head: Greenies  – Oranges [sour grapes]
The Suns and Celtics met in Boston on January 9th, resulting in a ten point loss for the Suns, 87-79. Apparently someone told someone else something about not scoring, or something like that. The two teams complied happily.
At the time of that game, there were quite a few rumors floating about the Suns trading various players and picks for other various Celtics player. Apparently Jared Sullinger was worried that the Celtics brass would see Marcin Gortat and decide to unload Sullinger for him, so he upped his effort to match Gortat in order to show Danny Ainge he is at the very least, equal to or better than Gortat. Sullinger equaled Gortat’s scoring outburst [as such a low game score would indicate, 12 points was an outburst by those standards]. However, his career high 16 rebounds were impressive, out-dueling Gortat’s 14 boards.
The Celtics bench took over the game behind Jason "He’s been in the league how long?"" Terry’s 13 points, and Jeff "You Can Come Back From Heart Problems Channing" Green’s 14.
Boston: Rajon Rondo (Torn Derrick Rose); Leandro Barbosa [jettisoned]; Kevin Garnett [angry]
Phoenix: Channing Frye (Jeff Green’d); Sebastian Telfair [dispatched]; Wes Johnson [smiling]; Jermaine O’Neal [depressed]; Marcus Morris [turning his head and coughing];
What To Watch For:
When I heard the Celtics acquired Crawford for basically a bag of Funyuns [not that Funyuns aren’t the best chip asset you could have], I thought to myself, "self, why can’t we manage to trade our bag of wheat chex for the sixth man of the year?" Then I realized it was JORDAN Crawford and I went back to inventorying my bags of chips.
Needless to say, that deal was an even swap. You can probably tell what I think of Jordan Crawford. The best thing about his basketball game is the fact that when you talk about him, you mention his name in the same sentence as Michael Jordan. Now watch as he comes out and throws 36 on us.
Courtney Lee and Avery Bradley
As our fortunes have gone, it would be fitting if these two dominated us tonight since many here have pined for one, the other or both for some time. I would like to see Goran Dragic play these two jokers back to the NBDL. Come on, Goran! This is a challenge. You need to step up and send a message to the rest of the league that these two scrubs are not worth trading anything for. But please, do so by having a great game, holding them to embarrassing levels, but also manage to manufacture a loss. Lottery Balls!
Garnett vs. Gortat
Byron "BJ" Mullens recently had a 25 point, 18 rebound game against Garnett. If Marcin Gortat cannot manage to get a double-double tonight, I am at a loss for words. In the last four games, Kevin Garnett and Company have allowed four opponents to have monster rebounding nights. Mullens had 18, followed by Noah’s 16, Faried’s 16 and EARL FRICKEN CLARK’S 16. Marcin, tonight is your night.
Impression of the Game:
I’m sorry, but I don’t do impressions.