Devastation in Philly: The Suns lay waste to the Sixers

Not a whole lot to say here. The Suns performed like an NBA team, while the Sixers performed like the Sixers. After a precarious first quarter, the Suns found their footing with the stellar play of Isaiah Thomas and Gerald Green, as they quickly turned this into a laugher in the second quarter and never looked back. While no one should be resting on any laurels after schooling the borderline-D-League Sixers, it was pivotal to utilize this matchup as an easy win on the first game of a back-to-back, and the good guys didn't disappoint.

It's hard to even portend to provide any analysis on this game. The Sixers are that bad. When they executed well on offense, they would still miss the shot. Their rotations on defense made you wonder if they were actually angling for an open three from the opposing team. This looked like a mismatched rec-league game. It is nice to see the Suns like undeniably superior to an opposing basketball team, but I can only recommend a gargantuan grain of salt for this game.

Isaiah Thomas led the way for the Suns with 23 points on just 9 attempts from the field. Gerald Green chipped in with 11 points on 5-5 from the field, and even Anthony Tolliver got in on the action with 11 points in garbage-time.

Michael Carter-Williams notched 18 points in a woeful losing effort.

1st Quarter

• Eric Bledsoe's comment about his Kentucky Wildcats apparently made its way to the greater Philadelphia area, as he was showered with boos from the homecrowd during pregame introductions.
• Adding to the narrative, the game began on a contentious note, with Bledsoe and Nerlens Noel getting into a scuffle after a hard foul by Noel that struck Bledsoe in the facial region. Like M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village", it left Bledsoe frustrated.
• The Suns didn't score until the 9:05 mark on a goaltending call against Noel. The Sixers are playing motivated and lead the game 10-2 as the Suns' offense continues to feel truncated with the starting lineup, with most field goal attempts coming from the awkward midrange area.
• Bledsoe is getting booed anytime he's even near the ball. It's actually pretty funny.
• Goran Dragic threw up a wide-open airball from three after a flop from MCW. Would've seemed impossible last season. Much like M. Night Shyamalan's "The Happening", this doesn't make much sense. Sixers up 16-7.
• Markieff drilled a three with no hesitation. Then bricked one, also with no hesitation.
• Len vs Noel! Their first head-to-head matchup ends with a non-shooting foul on Noel as Len posted up. Noel then gets taken out; the narrative will have to wait.
• Alexey Shved wears no. 88. I like that.
• Tempo has increased. This is already better than the Pistons game, from a spectator's point of view. Shved gets a BS call on made 3-pointer. Sixers up 24-20.
• Green to Len for the dunk! I will never get tired of typing those words!
• Len forces a 24-second violation. Suns trail 24-27. Sixers playing like they want it.
• Isaiah Thomas hits his 36th and 37th consecutive freethrows; Suns trail 27-26. Basketball!

2nd Quarter

• Len giving Noel about 10 feet of space on the perimeter. Oooh, BURN! The rivalry! The narrative!
• Sixers starting to look like Sixers. 33-27, Suns, on IT's pullup swisheroo; this after a horribly bungled Sixers possession that resulted in a 24.
• IT now 4-4 from the field, 5-5 from the line.
• The Chuck Wagon is rolling along. Neither IT or Green has missed a shot. 21 points combined.
• Green is in full swag. Hits his fourth-straight FG on a turnaround 20-footer.
• Tucker makes Sims pay on the switch with a shootaround-style midrange J. Yeah, it's that kind of game. 44-33 Suns.
• Tucker then receives a technical foul for ... some reason. Much like I was confused by the motives of the aliens in M. Night Shyamalan's "Signs", I am at a loss for an explanation.
• MCW is entering hero-ball mode with an early 3PA that wasn't close. This doesn't look good for the Sixers. IT responds with a made 3 -- 53-35, Suns.
• Tucker owns the post vs Wroten like he's Hakeem Olajuwon. This is such a beating it's almost not enjoyable. 55-35, Suns.
• Every time K.J. McDaniels enters the game, Steve Albert makes jokes about his mom. That's gotta be a little embarrassing, right? Like, SHUT UP, MOM! GAWD!
• T.J. Warren time! Promptly scores on a tip-in. 61-37, Suns.
• Even after a mini-run by the Sixers, Bled scores 6 straight points to put the Suns up 67-44. Much like M. Night Shyamalan's "Lady in the Water", there isn't much to see here.

3rd Quarter

• Did the Suns set the bar too high in the first half? Much like M. Night Shyamalan did with "The SIxth Sense"? We're about to find out.
• Bledsoe is killing it, as Seth Pollack would say. Breakaway dunk, then an assist leading to an and-1 for Kieff. 72-46, Suns.
• And Bled kills it again with a 15-foot fadeaway. Maybe he should mouth off more often.
• Shav time!
• Goran gets obliterated on a transition layup. Scores the bucket, but jeebus sake can this guy get a foul call please??
• Ann Meyers-Drysdale just called Plumlee "Miles Davis". Didn't know she was a jazz fan.
• Brandon Davies just hit the backboard on a wide-open straightaway 17-footer. Yeah ... Sixers.
• Mook hits back-to-back 3's. This is just a scrimmage at this point. 88-54, Suns.
• Mook with his THIRD straight 3. 90-58, Suns.
• Archie with a flailing drive that resulted in a shot that bounced off the top of the backboard. The Mongoose is not yet ready for his close-up.
• K.J. McDaniels hits a nice transition layup as the buzzer sounds, but it was waved off. Like M. Night Shyamalan's "Unbreakable", it was all for naught.

4th Quarter

• Smoke break...
• Ok, I'm back. Did I miss anything?
• Much like M. Night Shyamalan's "The Last Airbender", there is no semblance of humanity to be seen here from the Sixers tonight.
• Alright, I think I'm done here. Be sure to tip your waitress.

The Suns needed to take care of business on the first game of a back-to-back. Next up, the Pacers. Let's be happy with what unfolded tonight, and on the same token, let's get ready for the Pacers, who much more closely resemble an NBA team than the collection of individuals the Suns faced off against tonight.

Sleep well, my friends.