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It's over. We lost. Or didn't you hear?
But that's alright. Because clearly Cleveland needed the King more than Phoenix did. All over television, radio, and social media Cavaliers fans expressed how proud they were to be from Northeast Ohio.
The very return of LeBron to Cleveland brought tears to the eyes of many fans, one radio host remarked, "This is the first time someone chose us."
This is disturbing.
I've been to Cleveland. I did not care for it. As someone born and raised in the Hoosier State who now calls Southern California home, I can appreciate that we all have different tastes, and what works for me might not work for you.
That said, if the catalyst for eliciting such an emotional response of loyalty for your community is the return of a professional athlete, you live in a dump. I remind people at every opportunity that I'm from Indiana, rarely does that conversation involve the Indiana Pacers.
Maybe I'm wrong though. This report reads that LeBron's return will bring Cleveland upwards of half a billion dollars. That leads me to ask two questions. One, do you think the blubbery mess we were exposed to last weekend had these financial repercussions in mind? Two, do you think they are the beneficiaries of such a financial windfall?
This totally happened, Cleveland. You are the crazy ex-girlfriend of sports cities. How touched in the head are Cavaliers fans? They are congratulating each other for not burning their own clothes.
LeBron knows you're nuts. That's why he signed the contract he did. And you can bet, if every single move next season isn't to his liking, he's gone. On the court, off the court, James is in charge. Dan Gilbert owns the team, LeBron operates it.
Lest it be said that I'm unfair to a sports town that's been through more rough times than perhaps any other city in America, I'll confess. Sports has also brought me to tears. I can remember exactly where I was watching that game. I was crushed. Absolutely, positively crushed.
I was 11.
Get it together, Cleveland. Have some pride. In less bat s*** crazy NBA news:
P.J. Tucker shed some tears. These were a little easier to understand.
T.J. Warren is off to a fantastic start. Alex Len is off to a less fantastic start.
In the wake of the LeBron James circus, Phoenix did make a run at Miami's Chris Bosh. Bosh resigned with the Heat, but Isaiah Thomas is headed to the Suns.
Seth Curry's audition has commenced.
Doing NBA business in Las Vegas was advocated by Robert Sarver, per Commish Adam Silver.
You'll have to wait at least one season for the Bogan Bogdanovich experience to kick off.
And finally, if you want a taste of what those Cleveland fans were feeling, grab a pair of headphones, crank up that terrible "Coming Home" song, and take a look at what the NBA would look like, if every player "went home."