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San Antonio Spurs embarrass Phoenix Suns, 112-79

Soobum Im-USA TODAY Sports

Not gonna lie.  I gave up on this recap... well, you can see exactly where it went off the rails if you read on.

Suns lose to the Spurs, 112-79.

Player bullet points.

  • Tyson Chandler had a double-double and looked as spry as he has since the beginning of the season.
  • TJ Warren continues to find new ways to score. 
  • Jon Leuer and Mirza Teletovic didn't completely melt down. 
  • Everyone else was garbage. 
  • Brandon Knight couldn't effectively run the team. 
  • Devin Booker was clearly forcing it early on, but kind of settled down. Kind of.
  • Markieff Morris was vintage 2015-16 Mark.
  • Alex Len's sole highlight was knocking Boban Marjanovic over in the 4th quarter. 
  • Sonny Weems is straight stealing money from the Suns right now.
  • Archie Goodwin did nothing to convince me he won't be the next Sonny Weems.

First Quarter

On a night where the Suns could have used size to their advantage with the Spurs missing Tim Duncan... Alex Len picked up his second foul 90 seconds into the game and Jon Leuer picked up his second foul 2 minutes later.  The Spurs were in the bonus with over 8 minutes left in the first quarter.  But San Antonio didn't need many points in the paint to open up a 10 point lead.  They were content to light the Suns up from mid-range with LaMarcus Aldridge and David West scoring 10 of San Antonio's first 16 points as they roared out to a 16-6 lead.

Phoenix did themselves no favors as the quarter continued, slopping their way to 9 first quarter turnovers and 8 personal fouls.  In 12 minutes.  Would you be surprised to find out they ended the quarter down 20 points?  Phoenix only managed 12 points to the Spurs' 32.  That's 12 points.  In 12 minutes.  For an entire team.

Your bright spots were some nice passing by Markieff Morris (he had 3 assists along with 2 TOs 2 points) and... that's it.  Nice passing, ‘Kieff.

Second Quarter

I have no idea what the rest of this recap holds.  This game is terrible.  This team looks terrible.  At the half, the Spurs hold a 61-33 lead.  Phoenix has committed 13 turnovers and 12 personal fouls in the half leading to 27 San Antonio points.  AND IT COULD BE WORSE. The Spurs have missed 7 of their 16 free throw attempts.  This could be a 35 point lead.  The Suns have missed none of their free throw attempts because they haven't taken any. In 24 minutes of professional basketball, the Phoenix Suns were unable to draw a single shooting foul.  Some may say this is impossible.  I say, this half has looked like this:

Frankly, I would rather have watched 24 minutes of that than the basketball I watched.  On to the third.

Third Quarter

A free throw attempt!  The Phoenix Suns attempted a free throw.  Tyson Chandler go fouled while scoring.  He missed the free throw attempt, but hey, someone made and aggressive move in the paint and that's something.  And another!  Scarcely a minute later, Markieff Morris gets to the line. And missed. Twice.  That's a pretty good metaphor for the game.  Phoenix missed 3 consecutive free shots. Wait, another pair of attempts!  And Tyson Chandler misses the first.  0-4.  Fuck me.  I can't take this.  OK, I can take it.  Tyson made the second.  Suns are now 20% from the line which is not 0% on 5 attempts and I can soldier on.

Steve Albert just informed me that Phoenix has scored on their last 5 possessions.  Yet, they trail by 24.  I think Steve Albert is DRUNK.  It gets better. Suns are trailing by 27 after going on a 10-5 run.  Maybe I'm drunk.

Tyson Chanlder apparently has a double-double.  I'm having a double sake because I am out of beer.

And Mirza Teletovic just missed one of his two free throws.  Suns are 2-7 from the line now.

And Manu Ginobli just stripped Mirza, fell on his behind and ASS-isted (see what I did there?) a Kawhi Leonard fast break from the ground.  This game sucks for anyone not affiliated with the Spurs.

And PJ Tucker just made two consecutive free throws.  I might slow my drinking pace down now.  Not likely, but I might.

At the end of three quarters, Phoenix trails San Antonio 84-56.

Fourth Quarter

Ann Meyers-Drysdale just let me know the Spurs are shooting 55%, which is considerably less than the million percent I thought they were shooting.

Steve Albert just informed me the Spurs are only shooting 55% from the free throw line.  WHICH IS STILL CONSIDERABLY BETTER THAN PHOENIX.  I hate this game.

Alex Len just knocked over Boban Marjanovic.  Definitely his best play of the game, even though it was a foul.

I kind of checked out for a few minutes there.  Suns are still down by 28.  No one did anything good there.

Archie's got a little burn.  I'm just gonna leave this here (per 100 possessions):

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