KALE.

Because I have neglected to talk kale with other Brightsiders recently, much to the chagrin of readers from all across the globe, I figured that was the only appropriate way to lead off this week’s installment of The Madhouse.

The space has been cleared. I understand that may seem like a modest step, but when Keith starts a project he likes to move at a reckless pace.

So I’ve pulled out the preexisting plants but I need suggestions and guidance on just about everything else. I’m going with a raised planter box. If any are better for whatever reason, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Ok, here’s some other stuff.

Suns Stuff

Rod’s Center of the Sun is easily my second favorite article compiled by a Suns fan, for a Suns fans, in the history of Phoenix Suns-centric blogs. Ever. Of all time.

This week he got to arguably the most fun time of the year for fans of a team that won an entire 19 games last season. PREDICTION TIME.

Here is what was presented to the FanTable. Oh and it’s a good one, friend.

This week, I asked everyone for five BOLD predictions for the 2019-20 Suns.

I’m giving you five. I may even give you six depending on how hungry I get. It’s near supper time.

1. Devin Booker will be named to an All-NBA Team

I’m skipping right past the All-Star Game talk and we’re going right for All-NBA. These are bold predictions, not stuff with 6-5 odds.

You know what I like to do? I like to look at All-NBA teams from the season prior and evaluate how much turnover there will be in the new year. Here are the guards from last year’s squad:

• James Harden
• Stephen Curry
• Damian Lillard
• Kyrie Irving
• Russell Westbrook
• Kemba Walker

I can see the future and I count three open spots for the new season. I know you agree with me, but you may be thinking, “Keith, what about the other guys that didn’t make a team last year who are not named Devin Booker?” Well, screw those other guys.

2. Deandre Ayton will be an All-Star

Here are your bigs-ish out of the West last February:

• Kevin Durant
• Paul George
• LeBron James
• Anthony Davis
• LaMarcus Aldridge
• Nikola Jokic
• Karl-Anthony Towns
• Dirk Nowitzki

Take from that what you will. Here are some numbers you can’t dispute, though. Deandre Ayton pulled down over 700 rebounds last year. That was good for 15th in the Association. Those are raw rebounding numbers, kids. I don’t need your fancy pig Latin to make my point.

He’s jumping up into the top 8 this year. And all the guys on that list not named Andre Drummond garnered All-Star accolades.

He’ll also score more points too. Points are important.

3. Your Suns will be .500 at Christmas

I even broke it down for you. Here are the wins:

vs. Clippers

@ Grizzlies

vs. Nets

vs. Hawks

@ Kings

vs. Pelicans

@ Timberwolves

vs. Wizards

vs. Mavericks

@ Hornets

vs. Timberwolves

vs. Grizzlies

@ Thunder

vs. Nuggets

And here are the losses:

vs. Jazz

@ Warriors

vs. Sixers

vs. Heat

vs. Lakers

vs. Celtics

@ Nuggets

@ Magic

@ Pelicans

@ Rockets

vs. Spurs

vs. Trail Blazers

@ Clippers

vs. Rockets

Double check my math. That should be 14-14. You’re welcome to swap out some of those games if you’d like, but that’s what is going to happen. Your Suns will be .500 at Christmas. I’ll be taking no questions on this subject.

4. Monty Williams will be named NBA Coach of the Year

This one is pretty easy. If bold predictions 1-3 and number 5 come through, it’s a no-brainer. I don’t even know they need to come true. He turns this squad into a team that looks playoff bound in 2020-21, he’ll get a look.

You have to go back a ways but Doc Rivers won the award when he led the Magic to a 41-41 record in 1999-00 season. That’s the worst mark for a COY winner in the last 40 years. The Magic had the third best record in the East the year prior. Williams is undertaking a significantly weightier task.

5. YOUR PHOENIX SUNS ARE GOING TO THE PLAYOFFS

If in the deepest, craziest part of your mind you don’t think this can happen, why are you invested at all? Development? Nerd.

Yes, in fact, your Suns are going to participate in the 2020 postseason. It’s not going to be for long, and people who spend more time on basketball-reference.com than I do will lament the missed opportunity of a higher draft pick in exchange for a gentleman’s sweep, but I don’t care. It’s going to be a lot of fun. I’ll be down there. JetSuiteX started flying to Phoenix this year. Yes, it will be great. We’ll meet up. You’ll buy me a beer, because you’re a fantastic human being, and we’ll talk enthusiastically about the future while we watch the Clippers dust the Suns by 32.

NBA News

For at least one part of one day at Los Angeles Lakers training camp, head coach Frank Vogel played LeBron James at the 1 and Anthony Davis at the 5.

Are you guys tired of new uniform news? I’m tried of new uniform news. Anyway, here’s the Brooklyn Nets’ new uniforms.

Rick Fox, the New York Yankees, the St. Louis Cardinals, the Scripps Family, the Disney Family, the Edmonton Oilers, and Kevin Durant are involved in a lawsuit that has something to do with an esports company, drugs, and a former co-owner of the San Jose Sharks.

Gregg Popovich trashed Marcus Morris in the Pop way.

Nick Young thinks Carmelo Anthony isn’t playing in the NBA because of Instagram. Nick Young thinks Carmelo Anthony isn’t playing in the NBA because of Instagram. What a dumb world.

Evidently it’s time for 2020 mock drafts. At least one guy writing basketball words not far from where you live thinks LaMelo Ball is headed to Phoenix.

There is a company looking for an NBA food taster. Here are the details from the Salt Lake Tribune:

“The person who gets the post will travel to NBA arenas, sampling hot dogs, pretzels, tacos, nachos, burgers, pizzas and sandwiches in pursuit of the best signature dish.

Besides getting game tickets and an allowance to buy food, the tester also will receive $500 from Pickswise, an online sports site and the contest sponsor. The NBA is not affiliated with this promotion.”

Not a bad gig if you don’t have to go to a grown-up job.

Spike Lee recently purchased $100k of Knicks memorabilia from an auction, including the net from Game 7 of the 1970 NBA Finals.

Shaquille O’Neal and Damian Lilliard are trading diss tracks.

Giannis Antetokounmpo sued a clothing company that was putting “Greek Freak” on its gear. He won $2 million of pocket change.

My Stuff

What I’m reading: I lied last week. I didn’t start The Magic Mountain. Instead I’m reading The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. I have a strange feeling I’ve read it before, but it any event I don’t remember it.

What I’m playing: A little bit of Street Fighter II in the last week, but not much. Might check out Apple Arcade this weekend.

What I’m listening to: Playoff baseball on the radio.

What I’m watching: Took in a matinee of Ad Adstra last week. Brad Pitt, Tommy Lee Jones, and Donald Sutherland. Very good. Highly recommend.

What I’m Thinking

Hmmm. Haven’t been thinking much lately. I’ve been pretty busy, not much time for thinking.

Vegas Golden Knights season is officially underway. I was at T-Mobile on Wednesday to watch our boys kick the crap out of the San Jose Sharks. I also stepped back into my role policing fan etiquette in Section 202.

I’m that guy. I’ve always been that guy. Even before I had a kid. If you’re standing in front of me, and everyone is the section is sitting down. I will instruct you to sit down. I don’t fight. I don’t use profanity. But you’re going to sit down.

If you are using what I deem to be an unacceptable amount of profanity. I’ll instruct you to stop. And you’ll stop. There are kids around. You’ll stop.

It’s easier to control things in the arena. Someone who engages in the behavior I’ve outlined above usually has a certain look. On most days I look like a grownup. So you tell them to sit down. Or knock it off. If they don’t you flag an usher down, or whatever the word is you’re supposed to use.

You tell the usher that the behavior is “violent.” Or that several women have expressed concerns. Or that you’re worried what this person might do if there’s a kid around. You can mostly just lie. But it gets handled.

Tickets to sporting events, I’m not putting up with any crap. Knock it off, clown. For what it’s worth only once have I had to address a fan at T-Mobile Arena. He was standing up in front of me, and he was the only person standing in the section. I told him to sit down. He had a sharp word for me. But he sat down. They always comply.

Some Quote

“If you make every game a life and death proposition, you’re going to have problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot.”