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Twas the Night Before Suns-mas 2019!

NBA: Minnesota Timberwolves at Phoenix Suns Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

‘Twas the night before Suns-mas, and all through the valley,

Not a Suns fan was happy about the win tally.

Since the trade of the Dragon and little IT

The Suns haven’t won, or even looked pretty.

The losses keep mounting, brief glimpses keep touting

of a team’s better days but then its confounding.

The team fights for relevance in a league full of stars

by twos and by threes, the Suns just can’t get far

They keep drafting and drafting the rooks more and more

but the wins they just out and out refuse to come fore.

James Jones signed some vets who promised to score

but they can’t stop the others from scoring some more.

We dream of good health, where Ayton and Booker

can team up for good to make them a looker

to win some more games with the help of a Ricky

and the burl of boomer from places a’tricky

Suns fans are nestled all snug in their beds

while visions of playoffs danced in their heads

Stop dreaming they cry, a lone tear on their eye

the Suns won’t win until Booker can fly!

When out on the zeroscape there arose such a clatter

I jumped to the window to see what was the matter.

Get off of my lawn! I screamed into the night

A balled-up first in the air to give a good fright

When much to my wondering eyes did appear

a red-clad gorilla and his girls of good cheer

with him were coursers all done up in purple

with tinges of orange and a hint of black durple

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came

He whistled and shouted and called them by name:

“Now Gadget! Now Bulldog! Now Saric and Frank!

On Ricky! On Booker! Oh Frank don’t you clank!

Go DA! Go Cam! Go Kelly and Baynes!

Don’t make me come out there and yank on the reins!

Now Tyler! Now Cheick! Now Ty and Jalen,

push it with Elie and let’s get the win!”


Now Santa arrived at the Stick with some care,

happy there wasn’t much traffic to bear.

Not with cold nachos, bad dancers and leaks

with very few wins for fans to a-speak

He had presents, he had gifts, for the Suns to accept

should they want to get better than ought to expect.

For Booker good health, for Baynes just the same,

For DA a clear head to get back to the game,

For Dario some hops, for Ricky some glasses

to make his bad shooting as good as his passes

For Mikal from aggression and better attention

to the length of his arms to reward bad intention

For Frank some more swagger, for Kelly more daggers

to win us more games so we don’t have to begger

For Cam a good hip, for Ty just the same

Let’s hope their careers are full of big game

And finally for Monty, what to give him?

Why nothing, of course, because the Santa is him!

Monty the coach takes off the white beard,

and gives Sarver a big smile so it doesn’t get weird.

He wants more wins, he wants fans in the stands,

So he’ll give anything to improve the beloved Suns brand.

He raises his hands in the air with glee,

And yells “Losing builds character! Nothing comes free!

Whatever we want is just past that ‘hard’,

So let’s blow past and we can go far!”

Happy Christmas, Suns fans!

Don’t say I never gave you anything. Now donate, dammit:

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