‘Twas the night before Suns-mas, and all through the valley,
Not a Suns fan was happy about the win tally.
Since the trade of the Dragon and little IT
The Suns haven’t won, or even looked pretty.
The losses keep mounting, brief glimpses keep touting
of a team’s better days but then its confounding.
The team fights for relevance in a league full of stars
by twos and by threes, the Suns just can’t get far
They keep drafting and drafting the rooks more and more
but the wins they just out and out refuse to come fore.
James Jones signed some vets who promised to score
but they can’t stop the others from scoring some more.
We dream of good health, where Ayton and Booker
can team up for good to make them a looker
to win some more games with the help of a Ricky
and the burl of boomer from places a’tricky
Suns fans are nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of playoffs danced in their heads
Stop dreaming they cry, a lone tear on their eye
the Suns won’t win until Booker can fly!
When out on the zeroscape there arose such a clatter
I jumped to the window to see what was the matter.
Get off of my lawn! I screamed into the night
A balled-up first in the air to give a good fright
When much to my wondering eyes did appear
a red-clad gorilla and his girls of good cheer
with him were coursers all done up in purple
with tinges of orange and a hint of black durple
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
He whistled and shouted and called them by name:
“Now Gadget! Now Bulldog! Now Saric and Frank!
On Ricky! On Booker! Oh Frank don’t you clank!
Go DA! Go Cam! Go Kelly and Baynes!
Don’t make me come out there and yank on the reins!
Now Tyler! Now Cheick! Now Ty and Jalen,
push it with Elie and let’s get the win!”
Now Santa arrived at the Stick with some care,
happy there wasn’t much traffic to bear.
Not with cold nachos, bad dancers and leaks
with very few wins for fans to a-speak
He had presents, he had gifts, for the Suns to accept
should they want to get better than ought to expect.
For Booker good health, for Baynes just the same,
For DA a clear head to get back to the game,
For Dario some hops, for Ricky some glasses
to make his bad shooting as good as his passes
For Mikal from aggression and better attention
to the length of his arms to reward bad intention
For Frank some more swagger, for Kelly more daggers
to win us more games so we don’t have to begger
For Cam a good hip, for Ty just the same
Let’s hope their careers are full of big game
And finally for Monty, what to give him?
Why nothing, of course, because the Santa is him!
Monty the coach takes off the white beard,
and gives Sarver a big smile so it doesn’t get weird.
He wants more wins, he wants fans in the stands,
So he’ll give anything to improve the beloved Suns brand.
He raises his hands in the air with glee,
And yells “Losing builds character! Nothing comes free!
Whatever we want is just past that ‘hard’,
So let’s blow past and we can go far!”
Happy Christmas, Suns fans!
Don’t say I never gave you anything. Now donate, dammit: suns.com/brightside